


The Way It Could Have Been

by Sansastarkofwinterfell



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Jon is raised as Brandon's son, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12032832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sansastarkofwinterfell/pseuds/Sansastarkofwinterfell
Summary: Aemon Targaryen is born with his father's violet eyes, causing Eddard Stark to alter the story of Jon Snow's origins.A multi-chapter AU story where Ned told Catelyn the truth and raised him as Brandon's son, meaning she and Jon formed a mother-son relationship. Focusing on all the Stark members and how they develop over time.





	1. Homecoming (Eddard I)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fan-fiction, and it will be a multi-chapter. An idea for a story came to me about Catelyn knowing the truth so she and Jon had a loving relationship rather than the distant one we got in canon. It's not centred around Jon, but the biggest change to canon will be around the reveal of his parentage. Instead, this fic will focus on all of the Starks as they are growing up. Hope you enjoy it, and I welcome all feedback.

Ned felt confused as he looked upon the grey walls of Winterfell from afar. This was his home, it always had been despite spending nearly a decade living in the Eyrie, but it didn’t feel like a homecoming. Ned had spent the last year fighting to find Lyanna and bring her home. He was bringing her home, but only her bones, along with Brandon’s bones as well. He looked around at the cart carrying the bodies of his dead siblings and felt the familiar painful pang in his chest. At least Brandon and Lyanna could be laid to rest in the crypts. His father didn’t even get that, his body completely burned and the ashes swept away by the wind in King’s Landing.

  
A small cry turned Ned’s attention to smallest person in their party. Lyanna had named her son Aemon, but in truth, the boy looked about as far from a Targaryen as possible,   
or at least he did with his eyes closed. Aemon already had a mop of black hair with a slightly long face, features that Ned had long recognised as traditionally Stark. But when Aemon’s eyes opened, it was easy to spot the child’s true heritage. Aemon’s violet eyes stared at him now from where his wet-nurse, Wylla, was holding him.

“The eyes could cause trouble, mi’Lord.” Ned nodded at her, his face grim.

  
“Aye. Any other colour and I could claim him as my own. But anyone who takes one look at him will immediately know who his father is. I do not know what to do,” Ned admitted.

Ned had promised Lyanna that he would protect her son, and he intended to do so, but it was difficult for him to know where to begin. Howland had suggested that he take Aemon with him and raise him in the Neck as an orphan they found on the way home from the war. Aemon would grow up as a much-loved adopted son of House Reed, and Howland promised he would visit Winterfell with Aemon. The idea did appeal to Ned at first, Aemon would certainly be safe there…but he wouldn’t know his family, so Ned dismissed it. Aemon would come with him to Winterfell, he would just have to find an explanation for the violet eyes.

Aemon’s eyes weren’t the only problem, there was also his name. He couldn’t exactly allow the boy’s name to remain as Aemon, but Ned had struggled to choose another name. A child’s name is something a parent should choose, and he was only Aemon’s Uncle, so he didn’t feel right choosing a name that he would use forever. Howland had tried to help, listing names he thought would suit a Stark-looking child, putting emphasis on Brandon and Rickard. Ned had immediately rejected the names of his dead brother and father, not feeling comfortable with that just yet. Perhaps he could honour them by naming any future children he had after them, but right now it was too soon.

Thinking of his future children turned Ned’s mind to the babe inside the castle he had never met. Robb, his wife had named him. He felt nervous at the thought of meeting his son, this child he had thought of so often but never laid eyes on. He didn’t really have that much experience around babies, and didn’t know what to do with them. He had been too young to truly remember Lyanna. He did have a few memories of Benjen as a baby, but those memories were more about his mother, trying to cling onto the few memories he had of her. There was Mya Stone in the Vale of course. Robert would often drag him along to see her and he would marvel in the fact that he had a daughter. But when Mya stopped laughing and began to cry, Robert would leave, and before long he lost all interest in her. Besides the few times Robert forced him to hold Mya, he hadn’t held a babe until Lyanna placed Aemon into his arms.

Robb would be different though. Robb was _his_ son. He had known about Robb’s existence for a while now and he can remember with perfect clarity the moment he read Catelyn’s first letter, telling him he was to be a father. As he was fighting, the thought of the unborn child pushed him through, kept him going. It gave him another purpose to win the battles he was fighting. The babe would either be a future Lord of Winterfell, or punished for his father’s treason, and he worked twice as hard to stay alive to ensure it was the former. Ned had imagined what Robb would look like since he received word of his birth a couple of moons ago. It helped him sleep at night as it removed the images of horror from his mind.

Meeting Robb wasn’t the only thing that had him worried. Explaining Aemon and the threat that harbouring him at Winterfell could carry to everyone with the name Stark would be another. He didn’t know Catelyn, not really. He had spent two weeks at Riverrun and hadn’t seen her since. They had corresponded through letters, but writing was different to talking in person. Although he didn’t know her, he couldn’t lie to her. He owed his wife more than lies. Could there be a worse way to begin a marriage than lying to a person you’re bound to spend the rest of your life with? If there was, Ned couldn’t think of it. He felt it was a risk confiding in a woman he had only known for two weeks, but she was his wife and the mother of his child. He felt that her advice should be as valued as Benjen’s.

As if Benjen knew he had entered Ned’s thoughts, he came into view on horseback with a small guard to meet the returning Lord of Winterfell. Ned looked at his brother and realised he wasn’t the boy he left at Winterfell over a year ago when he rode south to war. Benjen was now a man, and it upset Ned to know that Benjen had been alone during the hardest year of his life. Ned saw light in Benjen’s brown eyes as he approached, but the light turned dark when the cart carrying Brandon and Lyanna came into view. ‘ _I'm so sorry_ ’ Ned thought sadly. ‘ _I’m sorry I couldn’t save them_.’

Ned hated that Benjen had to be told about Lyanna’s death by raven. But rumours travel quickly, and Ned wanted Benjen to hear from him before anyone else. Benjen and Lyanna were inseparable growing up, closer than he and Brandon were, and he knew that while Lyanna’s death broke him, it would’ve destroyed Benjen.

“Ned.” Benjen nodded at him and extended his hand, so Ned shook it.

“Ben.” It was an odd greeting, as if they were mere acquaintances and not brothers, but he could hardly embrace Benjen from horseback and a happy reunion didn’t seem right under the circumstances.

“That’s them?” Benjen nodded toward the corpses.

“Yes. For all his faults, Jaime Lannister told me where Aerys had kept Brandon’s body. And then Lyanna…she belongs here, not in Dorne.” Ned’s eyes strayed to Aemon and Benjen followed his line of sight in curiosity.

“Who is this?”

“I can’t explain here.” Benjen didn’t seem entirely satisfied with Ned’s short answer, but recognised that the tone meant there was no argument.

They continued riding on towards Winterfell in silence. Ned had been in the south for so long that the air in the North almost felt foreign to him. The air in the south was too thick and Ned hated it. Everything was too warm, even Riverrun was warm during the time he spent there, and that was hardly in the south.

Ned had always been comfortable with long silences, but Benjen hadn’t, and Ned could see he was itching to talk. Ned had been the quiet where Brandon was loud; sensible where Brandon was reckless; cold-faced where Brandon had been warm. Benjen was a balance in the middle of the two. He laughed often, but had a hidden seriousness and was outgoing, but had reservation unlike their eldest brother. As expected, Benjen couldn’t remain silent, and his voice broken Ned out of the thoughts.

“Robb’s a happy baby.” Benjen looked at Ned. “Obviously gets it from his mother. In the week he has been here, I swear I’ve seen him smile more than you have your entire life.” Benjen spoke with laughter in his voice, trying to lighten the mood. It was easy to forget how young Benjen was, but when he laughed, Ned could imagine he was still a six-year-old boy. “He cries a lot though. I don’t think he likes it when I hold him. I’m the youngest though, so I’ve never been around babies before, but I’m trying to learn. I want him to know me. He is my nephew.”

“You’ll see him every day, I’m sure he will know who you are.”

“Well, he needs a fun uncle with a stoic, solemn father like you.” Ned could hear the joke in his voice and so decided to poke fun back at him.

“Well, it’ll be hard to overthrow the Blackfish as his favourite uncle.”

“Technically the man’s not even his uncle, but I suspect I’ll still lose. The man’s a legend. Your son is related to one of the greatest warriors Westeros has ever seen. Robb will probably be a fighter himself.” Ned’s good mood had swiftly returned to his previous seriousness. His own taste of war made him want to keep Robb as far away from battle as he possibly could. He had no wish to see any child grow up to experience that, but his own son…he would fight to prevent that if he had to.

“Let’s hope it never comes to that.” Ned said, his tone sombre.

The conversation died out again and they reached Winterfell quicker than Ned had expected. Ned sent one of Benjen’s guards to escort Wylla and Aemon to his solar, out of the way of prying eyes. The last thing he needed was gossip before he had a chance to explain Aemon to everyone. Men, women and children bowed as he entered Winterfell, cheering for their victorious Lord, but their cheering was drowned out as Ned’s attention was focused on the fact that this castle didn’t belong to him. He had gained a castle, land, titles, a wife and a son all because Brandon died, and it overwhelmed him a bit.

Ned dismounted and sent for men to tend to the bodies of his siblings and have them prepared to be laid to rest in the crypts. He spotted Maester Luwin, his trusted advisor, among the crowd and walked over to him. The Maester bowed when he approached.

“My Lord”

“Maester. It’s good to see a familiar face.” Besides Benjen, Ned had not recognised a single person he had set eyes upon in the castle.

“I trust you will want to see Lady Stark and young Robb, My Lord.” Ned nodded at the man, who continued, “I set up the chambers you asked me to, the last I heard she was in there.”

“Thank you, Maester. I would like to speak to you about something important, but not here, in my solar. I will join you shortly.” Luwin looked confused but bowed his head and walked off. Ned turned to Benjen, who had also walked over to where Ned and Luwin had been stood “I want you to go there as well. What I have to say concerns you.”

“You sent the woman and babe there. Who is he, Ned? Is he yours?” Ned shook his head but spoke no more on the subject, and watched as Benjen walked off.

Despite being away from Winterfell for a long time, Ned knew his way around the castle as well as he had done as a boy. He had written to Maester Luwin long ago, instructing him to give Catelyn the warmest chambers in the castle. The North had cold winters, cold even for Northerners at times, and Ned wanted his new wife to be as comfortable as possible. He felt that warm chambers may help to do that. When he arrived at her chambers, he knocked lightly on the door, anxious to meet the tiny baby behind it.

“Come in,” spoke a soft feminine voice from inside, and Ned gathered up the courage to walk into the room. Once inside, he saw a red-haired woman with her back to the door, but she clearly had a baby in her arms, rocking him to sleep from where she sat on the bed.

“Forgive me, My Lady. I had not realised you were trying to put him to sleep.” Catelyn’s head whipped around at his voice, shocked to see him.

“M-My Lord. I was not expecting you today. Maester Luwin thought you were a few days ride away.”

“We rode later into the night than perhaps we should have. After so long away, getting home quickly was the most important thing.”

“Forgive me, My Lord. I should have been there to meet you. Only—” she gestured to the child in her arms.

  
“There’s no need to apologise.” Ned took a step closer, and held out his arms. “May I?” Catelyn didn’t hesitate to hand the baby to him, and for the first time, Ned held his own child in his arms. Ned felt an instant connection with the baby unlike any other he could explain. When he first held Aemon, he felt love for his nephew, but nothing like this. This was his son, a part of him. Robb was a beautiful baby. Perhaps Ned was biased but it was true. He had bright blue eyes and what little hair he had was red. It was clear he would look like his mother, and that made Ned smile. He was simply perfect and Ned was left speechless.

Ned remained silent for a while, simply taking in this little boy. A whole host of emotions rushed through him, but Catelyn assumed his lack of speech was a bad thing.  
“I hope you don’t mind that he looks like me, My Lord. I had hoped that his hair would be darker. It is not quite as red as mine—” Catelyn continued to babble, clearly nervous that he would not react well to his heir not looking like him. Ned inwardly cursed the society they lived in where women were taught their husbands want children that look like them. He reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her from talking and she looked up at him as he reassured her.

“I wouldn’t change a thing about him. You are far better to look at than I am. It’s better he gets your looks. I am glad for it.” She blushed slightly at that and he knew he said the right thing. “He’s perfect, truly. I have imagined what he looks like for months now, but he is far better than my imagination.”

Ned looked back to Robb, who had fallen asleep and smiled. Both parents resorted back to silence for a while and Ned thought back to the moment he received word telling him his wife was expecting a child. Robert had made his jokes and forced several mugs of ale down his throat but Ned found himself spending most of that night with his father-in-law. The way Lord Hoster spoke of his firstborn was almost inspiring to Ned. Of course, Rickard had loved Ned, he was in no doubt of that, but far away in the Eyrie, sometimes he had doubted that. Listening to Hoster speak of Catelyn and his unborn grandchild, Ned promised himself that if he lived, his child would never doubt his love.

Ned felt like he had failed already, missing the first few months of his son’s life, and he thanked the Gods that his son would not remember it.

“Thank you for him. I wish I had been there from the moment he was born.”

“My Lord—”

“Ned. Call me Ned, my family do.” It still felt strange for people to be addressing him as a Lord. He wanted those closest to him to call him by his name at least.

“Ned… I’m sorry. About your sister.” He looked at her and saw the pain in her eyes. She had never met Lyanna, but she still felt his pain and that meant something to Ned. Over the last year he had many people telling him how sorry they were, but most of them seemed false. Ned was not one for emotion and so he pushed Lyanna to the back of his mind, but Catelyn mentioning her had reminded him of Aemon.

“I need to tell you something. Away from people who may listen.” He gently handed Robb back to her, not wanting to disturb his sleep, and watched as she placed him in his crib. He ran a hand across the soft hairs on Robb’s head affectionately, unwilling to part with his son so soon, but he knew it was necessary. He offered Catelyn his arm, and they walked out of the room. It was time to tell the truth.


	2. The Truth (Eddard II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is up! I've already started writing chapter 3 so it should be up in a few days. I'm trying to do as much as I can before Uni work slows me down. I'm open to any suggestions anyone has.  
> This is another Ned chapter but the next one will be from Cat's POV

Ned and Catelyn walked in silence through the corridors of Winterfell. It was a comfortable silence, one he had grown used to in the two weeks he spent at Riverrun. He had never been the most talkative person in the world, and she seemed to understand, something for which he was truly grateful. 

They entered his solar to find Benjen and Maester Luwin were there as he had instructed along with Wylla and Aemon. Both men were clearly confused by the baby’s presence and he saw that Catelyn also looked shocked. He followed her line of sight to see it was focused on Aemon. He wondered if perhaps she thought the boy was his son. Catelyn was a perceptive woman and it seemed that even from afar she could see who Aemon looked like.

“My Lady, this is Wylla. Wylla, this is my wife, Lady Catelyn.” The Dornishwoman curtsied slightly but the tension in the room was still frosty. Benjen rose from his seat, clearly annoyed with Ned’s answers to his questions about the baby so far.

“Who is the baby?” Ned took a deep breath, and prepared himself for what he was about to tell them. He looked at the three of them and knew he could trust them.

“What I am about to tell you cannot leave this room. Ever. If it does, I fear Robert’s wrath will kill us all.”

“What has Robert got to do with a baby? Is that his child? Have you stolen a baby, Ned?” Unlike Catelyn who could clearly see Aemon’s Stark features, it was clear that Benjen had not truly looked at his nephew. If he had, he wouldn’t need to ask questions.

“This is Aemon. Lyanna’s son.” Three heads looked at him in shock, but Ned was focused on Benjen’s face, which was starting to contort in anger. As Ned predicted he would, Benjen had jumped to conclusions.

“You bring him here! He’s a product of rape! You bring Rhaegar’s bastard here to Winterfell and insult our sister! What of father and Brandon who died, you insult them too!” Benjen was out of control and Ned worried that others could hear. He rarely raised his voice, but he felt that he should to calm Benjen down.

“He’s not a product of rape and he’s not a bastard! Lyanna only lived long enough to ask me to protect him. But she said his name was Targaryen, not Sand. I don’t really know what happened.” Ned turned to Wylla, asking for help.

“Lady Lyanna was not kidnapped, mi’Lords, mi’Lady. She went willingly with Prince Rhaegar. I cannot say whether they were in love, but they married. And Aemon is their trueborn son. He has more of a claim to the Iron Throne than Prince Viserys does.” Ned saw Benjen struggle to contemplate what Wylla’s confession meant.

“Who are you in all of this?”

“I am Wylla, mi’Lord. I am Aemon’s wetnurse. Lady Lyanna was too weak to nurse him and so I did. I watched over her while she carried him. Lord Stark or Lord Reed couldn’t feed him on the way North, so I travelled with them.”

“Rhaegar already had a wife.” Catelyn spoke for the first time, having been quiet since she entered the room. “He was married to Elia. How could he marry again?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about the man other than the fact that he’s Aemon’s father.”

“He really made a mess of things, didn’t he?” Benjen was bitter, and rightfully so. Though Rhaegar didn’t kidnap Lyanna, his actions still caused their family to be ripped apart.

“If I may, My Lord, might I ask who you plan to say the father is? We cannot say he is Rhaegar’s son.” Maester Luwin was, as always, the voice of reason, but Benjen interrupted before he could reply.

“Would Robert really harm him, Ned? He loved Lyanna, you’re his best friend. Surely he wouldn’t harm a baby.” Ned’s mind turned to that day in the throne room where he and Robert had fallen out over the bodies of little Rhaenys and Aegon.

_“Robert, you must punish Lord Tywin for this. This is not what we went to war for. We fought to put an end to the madness of Aerys, not to slaughter children. They were only babes, Robert.” Ned looked on in horror as Robert looked at him dead in the eye, with no remorse._

_“I see no babes. Only dragonspawn.”_

“He would. He would kill him, Benjen. Aemon represents one of two things to him: a product of Rhaegar’s rape of Lyanna, or proof that Lyanna chose Rhaegar over him and didn’t have any affection for him. I love Robert, but he can carry a grudge unlike anyone I’ve ever met. And he’s blinded when it comes to Targaryens”

“So Rhaegar cannot be Aemon’s father then. Who shall we name as the father? One of the Kingsguard?” Ned shook his head at Benjen’s idea.

“He can’t be Lyanna’s son. Everyone will know who the father is. Even if we say it was Arthur Dayne, no one will believe it and they will call us out on the lie. The boy looks like a Stark. I had planned to claim him as my own son.” Catelyn looked shocked at his words, but Benjen just laughed slightly.

“That would never work. People are less likely to believe that you have a bastard than they would Arthur Dayne. Honourable Ned Stark fathering a bastard when married? The lie would never sell.”

“It might. Men father bastards in war all the time. But I can’t anyway. Look at his eyes.” Wylla turned Aemon around so they could see his violet eyes. “You can see my problem now?”

“The Dayne’s have violet eyes, don’t they?” Catelyn enquired and Maester Luwin nodded at her.

“They do, My Lady. But Lord Stark has already said that naming Ser Arthur as the father will not work.”

“I wasn’t talking about Ser Arthur. What about his sister? All eyes turned to Catelyn. “I didn’t know Brandon very well in truth, but I did know what he was like with women. My father heard rumours about an affair between Brandon and Lady Ashara at Harrenhal. What if we just expand on the affair? Tell people that Brandon visited her before he threatened Rhaegar. Tell people that the story of Lady Ashara having a stillborn daughter was false, spread by the Daynes to prevent shame from coming to the family. Tell them that the stillborn was Aemon, and he is their bastard son.”

Ned listened with intrigue, aware that the plan could work. But there was a stumbling block. “It has merit, and it could have worked, but Brandon died far too early for Aemon to be his son. People will pick up on that.”

“Now, perhaps. He is clearly younger than Robb. But in a few years, when they reach three or four, you won’t be able to tell the difference. Try to keep Aemon hidden away from guests for a few years so they don’t suspect anything. Your men in Winterfell are the most loyal men I’ve ever met and they will not gossip. If you say he is Brandon’s son, they will accept that and those who suspect otherwise will not question you. When the boys reach four or five, a couple of months age difference won’t be noticeable. We can say that Aemon is a few months older than Robb.”

Ned smiled at his wife, who was far more intelligent than he realised. Her quick-thinking may have just saved Aemon’s life. “That could work. It will be a hard lie to sell, but it could truly work. However, if we name Ashara his mother, and the Daynes find out, we may have a problem then.”

“You could write to Lord Beric Dayne and invite him, his wife and their new daughter here. The Dornish remain loyal to the Targaryens and perhaps if they know that Robert didn’t succeed in killing all the Targaryens, they may consent to the idea. You returned Dawn to Starfall, that was honourable of you and not many would have done that. Perhaps they may return the favour.” Maester Luwin suggested.

“It’s worth it, Ned.” He turned to Catelyn. “It’s a good plan. You are more intelligent than he is, My Lady.” Benjen smiled for the first time since Ned entered the room.

Aemon’s eyes had closed in a deep slumber while they had been discussing their plan.

“There are no other cribs in Winterfell. For now, he can share a crib with Robb in my chambers.” Catelyn turned to Wylla, “I will send a guard for you when he needs feeding during the night.”

“Yes, mi’Lady.” Wylla handed Aemon to Catelyn and curtsied before leaving the solar. Aemon still slept on despite being handed to a different set of arms.

“He will have to be there when Brandon is laid to rest in the crypts. If we want to sell the lie, Brandon’s son needs to be there, even if he won’t remember.” Ned nodded in agreement at what Benjen had said. Ned could see Aemon beginning to fuss slightly out of the corner of his eye, but the child slept on.

“Perhaps he should be put to bed.” Ned gestured for Catelyn to walk in front of him, but turned back around to address Luwin. “I am grateful for your counsel, Maester. I thank you for helping me to keep this secret.”

“I shall take it to my grave, My Lord.” Luwin bowed his head slightly and then Benjen spoke up.

“As will I. I swear it. I will help you protect Lyanna’s son.”

“Ben, if you have any more questions, I will try to answer them, but I fear I do not know the entire story. And not tonight, it has been a long day,” Ned said wearily, longing for sleep.

“It has. Good night, brother. I will see you in the crypts tomorrow.” Benjen leaned forward and embraced Ned then, and Ned felt the slight tremble in his brother’s body. He was trying to remain strong despite all that happened. When Benjen pulled back, Ned mussed his hair slightly as he had done when they were children making Benjen smile, and then he followed Catelyn out of the solar.

They walked back to her chambers, the only noise being Aemon’s soft breathing. When they entered the room, Ned dismissed Old Nan who had been keeping an eye on Robb. Ned realised Old Nan would suspect the truth the minute she saw Aemon, but he trusted the old woman as much as he trusted anyone. She would never do anything to harm someone of Winterfell.

Ned watched as Catelyn made room in Robb’s crib for Aemon. Robb remained sleeping but Aemon woke, bothered by the movement. He didn’t fuss though, and his violet eyes stared up at them as they peered into the crib at the two boys.

“He’s a quiet baby. He hardly made a sound on the ride home.” Catelyn chuckled lightly at that.

“Quite the opposite to Robb then. He is all smiles and laughter until he is hungry. And then the entire castle will know about it.” That brings a smile to Ned’s face, along with a slight pang. He had been told numerous times by the staff at Winterfell that he was a blessing as a baby because of how quiet he was in comparison to his siblings. It appeared that Robb had inherited his Uncle Brandon and Aunt Lyanna’s demanding nature.

“Thank you for this.” He made a gesture towards the boys in the crib, Aemon now clutching Robb’s hand.

“Aemon is my nephew by marriage. Either by Lyanna or Brandon. He and Robb are cousins, I suspect they will become close as they grow.” She turned and looked at him, staring into his eyes. “You truly would’ve claimed him as your own?” The look of betrayal in her eyes as she contemplated what could have been made him glad he told her the truth, glad Aemon had his father’s eyes.

“If he had grey eyes, yes, I would have.”

“And you wouldn’t have told me.” Ned’s silence was the answer she needed and Ned began to think on how she would have reacted had he brought Aemon home as his bastard to raise alongside Robb. He doubted it would have been a positive reaction, but there was no true need to think on that. Her voice snapped his attention back to reality.

“But that didn’t happen. And I am glad you trusted me enough to tell me the truth. He is my family and he will always know a mother’s love.”

“Thank you.” Ned was truly grateful to her. He felt Lyanna could rest in peace knowing her son was safe and loved.

“He needs a new name.” Catelyn said, thoughtfully. Ned had known this, of course, but hearing Catelyn say it reminded him that now he was settled in Winterfell, they truly could never use the name Aemon again.

“He does. I can’t think of one though. I had been trying to on the journey North, but nothing seemed to fit.” They had stood in silence, contemplating, when Catelyn broke the silence with a name.

“Jon.”

“Jon?” Her choice of name surprised him.

“I have looked at the Stark family tree. I have seen many Starks named Jon. And Jon Arryn is like a father to you. It would be nice to honour him.” Jon was a name popular all over the Seven Kingdoms, but there were several instances of Starks named Jon over the years, including one of Brandon’s heroes.

“It is fitting you thought of the name Jon, My Lady. Every night before bed, Brandon would beg Old Nan for a story about King Jon Stark. It’s a perfect fit.” She was right in that he felt he was honouring Jon Arryn with the name as well, a man who acted like a father to him, but wasn’t. Ned would be the closest thing the child had to a father, so it was a fitting name.

“Jon Snow.” Catelyn murmured with a smile on her lips. Ned couldn’t make Jon a Stark, it would place him ahead of Robb and any future children he and Catelyn would have. But Jon didn’t need the name in truth, they would make sure he felt a Stark in everything but name. The rightful King of the Andals had just become a bastard boy, but it seemed a small price to pay for his life.

Ned stood with Catelyn, looking at the two sleeping babies and realised that although he lost three family members during the war, he had gained three more. His own family.


	3. Bonding (Catelyn I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is up guys. This is a Catelyn POV, and it's the longest of the 3 chapters. After the next update, things may slow down as I return to Uni, but I will try to update as quickly as I can.  
> Benjen's pov will be in chapter 4

Catelyn was woken by a faint cry coming from the crib next to her bed, and she let out a frustrated sigh. She loved Robb more than she had ever loved anyone before, but he was a tiring babe, particularly during the night, and it had not been long since she had fed him. She found it hard to believe he wanted to be fed again so soon.

She removed herself from the warmth of her covers and leaned over the crib, but to her surprise, Robb was fast asleep and didn’t look like he could be disturbed by anything. Instead, it was Jon who was fussing. His cries weren’t demanding, just a bit of a whimper, but it still surprised Catelyn as Jon rarely made any sort of fuss besides when he was hungry, and he had been taken to Wylla at the same time she had fed Robb.

Ned had returned to Winterfell with Jon around a week ago, and since then Catelyn has formed a bit of a bond with the tiny babe. He was a sweet child, as sweet as a babe could be, and he made Catelyn smile. Robb was the most precious child she had ever met, but her heart had made space for her nephew in a short space of time.

He stared up at her now, his tears making his violet eyes sparkle and Catelyn smiled at him. He was a rather handsome child. She was sure that when he is a man, the combination of his bright, beautiful eyes and the mop of unruly dark hair will make many young maidens swoon. She had never met Lyanna, but having met Ned, Benjen and Brandon, Catelyn guessed Lyanna shared the same looks, looks that had clearly been transferred to her son. Catelyn had to berate herself. _Jon is Lyanna’s nephew. Never think of him as her son._ Ned had slipped up on a few occasions, referring to Jon by his true name, Aemon. Luckily, those slip-ups were in private, with only her or Benjen, but after only a week of the babe being named Jon Snow, it was hard for Ned to remember to call him by the name they had decided on.

Thinking of her husband made her turn around to look where he was asleep on the bed. Things were still slightly awkward between them. Even though they had been wedded, bedded and now shared a son, they didn’t truly know much about each other. It seemed that neither of them knew where to start getting to know each other, so they simply bonded over their love for Robb.

It had surprised Catelyn to see her husband so attentive to their son. She had always been told that men had very little need for babes, and rarely paid their children much attention until they were old enough how to learn to swing a sword or rule. But Ned had been that desperate to help her with Robb that he slept in her chambers. Of course, he had his own chambers not far from hers, but he told her he had already missed so much of Robb’s early life that he didn’t want to miss a moment more, so he stayed with her during the nights, often waking as she did to feed Robb, marvelling in his son’s growth.

Catelyn became lost in her thoughts and a loud whimper from Jon reminded her of why she had gotten out of bed. Jon had now reached a hand up towards her, so she picked him up gently, careful not to wake Robb and sat down on the edge of the bed. She rocked him gently, shushing him and quietly singing to him, hoping that he would quickly go back to sleep so she herself could sleep before Robb woke again, demanding to be fed.

Jon did quieten down quicker than she expected and she spent a few minutes simply looking at him. Not for the first time since Jon had arrived here, Catelyn lamented how unfair life was. This baby in her arms should be on the Iron Throne right now, instead he was forced to live a bastard’s life. He would be truly loved at Winterfell, but there were still things he couldn’t do as a bastard. He could never wear the Stark direwolf, he could never eat at the high table with guests, he could never learn the ways of ruling as Robb will. But as Ned had said, the main thing is that Jon is safe, and she would make sure he knows his Aunt loves him, so perhaps the other things would not matter to him as much.

Catelyn rose and returned Jon to his crib, but as she turned away from him to return to bed, he began whimpering again. She wondered why Jon was so fussy tonight, and decided she would just leave him in the hope that his whimpers would cease and he’d return to sleep. But the lack of attention meant Jon started to wail, a cry unlike anything she had ever heard from him, so she rushed back to the crib and picked him up, hoping to get him to remain quiet.

“You are very fussy tonight, aren’t you?” she whispered, careful not to wake the two other occupants in the room. Within minutes of being back in her arms, Jon had stopped crying once more, but started up again as she walked over to the crib. Sighing, Catelyn realised she would have to keep Jon in her arms until he fell asleep.

She returned to bed with Jon and sat with her back against the headboard and brushed her hand against the hairs on Jon’s head.

“Just for tonight,” she said to no-one in particular and tried to make herself comfortable. She would keep Jon in her arms until he fell asleep, and then return him to the crib and try to sleep herself. Her plan didn’t quite work out, and she fell to sleep herself, cradling Jon in her arms.

The next thing Catelyn knew was her eyes opening and struggling to adjust to the sunlight streaming through the windows.  She still held Jon tightly against her chest, and when she looked down, he was fast asleep, producing tiny little snores. She casted her eyes to the crib and panicked slightly as she realised that Robb wasn’t in it.

“He woke a few minutes ago. I got him to be quiet so he didn’t wake either of you up.” Catelyn followed the voice to see her husband in the armchair by the window with Robb in his lap, showing their son the light snows outside. “Looks like you had a guest last night.”

She smiled at him. “He cried when I put him back in the crib. I didn’t have the heart to leave him like that.” He laughed slightly at her and returned his attention to Robb, making the babe smile.

“Do you think he knows who I am yet?” Ned asked her. He had spent but a week with Robb, but it was plain to see the love he bore him already.

“It’s entirely possible. You’ve hardly left him since you met him.” The mood in the room turned slightly sombre as Ned looked to the child in her arms. _Jon will never know his parents,_ she thought, and she knew Ned was thinking the same, _his real parents or his fake ones._

“There’s no need for Robb to come as well today. I’ve asked Nan to come and get him before we go down. I know you probably want to be with him, but it would mean a lot if you could hold Jon while we are down there.” He was referring to the burials which was to take place today. The stonemason had completed the statues of Lord Rickard, Brandon and Lyanna, and so it was time for their funerals, to lay them to rest. As Brandon’s son, Jon would have to be there.

“Will Old Nan not want to be there?” Catelyn had grown fond of the old woman since she had arrived at Winterfell. She felt like an outsider here in the North, but Old Nan had nothing but comfort for her, understanding how difficult it was for a southern girl to adapt to the harsh North. Catelyn knew that the woman had tended to her husband and his siblings as babes, as well as Lord Rickard himself when he was a child. She expected that she would want to see them buried.

“It’s hard for her. Besides Benjen and I, no one loved them more. We’ve all been like children or grandchildren to her. I don’t particularly want to go, so I can’t blame her really.” Ned’s grey eyes looked like they wanted to cry, but she knew he wouldn’t. In the short time she had known him, she had come to realise that although his face is what others describe as frozen, many emotions can be seen in his eyes if one would care to look.

“I will be there. Anything I can do to make today easier.” Catelyn said softly. Ned nodded at her, and she could see the gratitude in his face, before he returned to looking out of the window and she could only try to guess what he was looking for. She felt sorrow for him, and he looked his age now, in truth he was barely a man. _A young man who had lost almost everything he knew, inherited a castle that wasn’t meant for him, married his brother’s bride, and then rode to war with the tiny hope of saving his sister, only to have her die in his arms,_ Catelyn thought, sadly. Her heart truly went to him, and she would truly do anything to help him, and his brother, make this difficult time a little easier.

**************

It was the first time that Catelyn had entered the crypts beneath Winterfell, and she found them both eerie and fascinating at the same time. She walked with Jon in her arms and passed the tombs of the Kings of Winter, many of which she recognised from the stories and legends: Brandon the Builder and King Rodrik Stark; King Jon Stark and Theon the Hungry Wolf; Torrhen Stark, the King Who Knelt and Lord Cregan Stark, who ruled during the Dance of Dragons.

They made it to where the bodies would be laid to rest and Catelyn took a good look at the statues. Lord Rickard had been more solemn than his middle son on the few occasions that she met him but the stone made him look even more so. She had heard that Lyanna was beautiful, full of life and headstrong and as she had never met her good-sister, this statue would be her only point of reference. As with the statue of her father, Lyanna’s statue seemed to be no justice to the young girl, taken far too soon. It made her seem sad where she had clearly been a bright light, and that upset Catelyn.

The memories she had of Brandon were of him laughing and smiling, always being heard before he was seen, but the Brandon before her now was sad, plain and just a shadow of the man she had thought she was to marry. She hadn’t loved Brandon. She had certainly thought him handsome, charming and had imagined her life with him as her husband, but that was not to be as he was murdered too soon by a madman. _A fate no man deserves. Strangled trying to rescue his father_...It made Catelyn ill to think of what happened in the Throne Room.

But she found herself thinking that had she had the choice, she would still marry his brother, a man who was still in many ways a stranger to her. She may not know her husband too well, or love him yet, but he had given her Robb, and she would not trade Robb for any man.

Catelyn stood behind Ned and Benjen as the bones of Brandon and Lyanna were placed in the tomb. She had come to realise that everything about the North, from the people to their Gods, was different, more simple and quiet. The Tullys had their own specific funeral rites, where the dead are cremated as they float along the Trident on a small boat. Catelyn could still remember when her father had lit alight the remains of her mother on a boat with an arrow. She remembered how beautiful the boat had looked burning on the Trident across the sunset.

This was a silent ceremony though. No one spoke at all; even little Jon was silent in her arms. She could see that Ned’s face was set in stone and all his emotion was on the inside, but she saw a single tear run down Benjen’s face though he stayed strong and watched as the funeral proceeded.

No words were exchanged the entire ceremony and, before she knew it, it was over. It seemed strange to have a funeral and not say any words to commemorate the dead, but it also seemed somewhat peaceful and very in tradition with what she knew about the North. As she turned to leave, she caught a glance at the empty spaces next to the newly filled tombs and it filled her with dread. Robb would one day reside there, though she prayed and hoped more than anything that that day was many, many years away, it still made her shiver inside. She left the crypts gladly, eager to remove where her thoughts were headed.

As they left the crypts, she saw Benjen head in the direction of the Godswood, a place she hadn’t yet visited but knew she would have to. _Mayhaps I will take Robb and visit Ned the next time he goes._ Thinking of Robb and where her thoughts in the crypts had led her, she was keen to see her baby boy and hold him close. She approached Ned who was stood watching Benjen as he walked off.

“My Lord, would you mind taking Jon while I go to fetch Robb from Old Nan? I fear I cannot hold two babes at once,” she said, trying to lighten the mood slightly.

“I will fetch Robb, My Lady. I will meet you in your chambers.” He was slightly sharp, but Catelyn couldn’t blame him, he had just had to bury his family, but she did as he bid and returned to her chambers with Jon.

Even Jon had been in a sombre mood, almost as if he could sense they were burying his mother. _Father,_ a voice in her head corrected her. She placed him in the crib and tickled him, trying to evoke a laugh from him, and it worked. A baby’s laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world, and it made her smile to think that Jon’s first laugh was for her.

After playing with Jon for several minutes and managing to get him to sleep, the door opened and Ned walked in, Robb in his arms. He sat in the same place as she had found him this morning, looking out the same window. He was very clearly mourning and she left him alone. He would want time to himself and she wasn’t going to begrudge him that.

The silence had lasted for so long that Catelyn was surprised when Ned spoke up. “I am sorry for being curt earlier. It has not been an easy day, but that is no excuse for me to be sharp with you. You have been a great help, My Lady.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, his attention was solely focused on Robb. She went to speak but recognised that he wanted to say something else, only he was struggling to find the words, so she remained silent and waited for him.

“I’ve been thinking of what would happen if Robert ever came to Winterfell. I fear he’d take one look at Jon and see through our Ashara Dayne lie. If he ever found out, he’d kill Jon without hesitation, and me too.” She could see the conflict in his eyes. Robert was his best friend, and someone who was probably closer to him than Brandon was, but he was also a threat to his nephew. “I’ve had a recurring dream the last few nights, nightmares.”

Catelyn knew that. Two nights ago, she had woken to Ned thrashing about, mumbling and sweating in the night. She’d woken him up and his heavy breathing filled the room as he adjusted to reality instead of the dream that had gripped him. She had asked him what troubled him, but he told her he couldn’t remember. She hadn’t believed him, but it wasn’t her place to press so she laid back down and they both fell asleep.

“It’s the Targaryen children and Elia. I keep seeing their bodies.” Ned’s voice was little more than a whisper, his tone haunted, and his eyes were distant, as if he was seeing the image now. “They were that broken they were near unrecognisable, especially Aegon. His head was so smashed in it could’ve been anyone. Rhaenys was dragged from underneath her bed and stabbed multiple times. And Elia had been raped and then butchered. I’ve never seen anything like that, even on the battlefield, and it haunts me that Robert had no problem with it. But in my dreams, when Tywin unravels the cloaks, it’s not Elia, Rhaenys and Aegon, it’s Jon…and you and Robb.”

His confession took her breath away slightly, nothing could’ve prepared her for that. He looked at her now, and she saw the fear in his eyes. He rose from where he was sat and placed Robb in his crib, spending a few minutes just staring at his son and then he turned and knelt in front of her.

“If Robert ever finds out, there’s nothing that can be done for me or Jon,” he interrupted his thoughts to take her hand and look at her in the eye, “but I swear to you nothing will happen to Robb. I’d never let it. He won’t be a victim of Robert’s wrath if it ever comes this way, I swear it.” Tears pricked Catelyn’s eyes, grateful for her husband’s words, and she hugged him, thanking him.

They had both lain in bed for a while, but neither could sleep. She had kept her eye on the crib the entire night, filled with more protective instincts even though they were safe in her chambers. It had been quiet for a while, but Ned’s voice pierced the silence.

“Do you think she suffered?” She turned over, surprised at his question and raised an eyebrow. “My father and Brandon did, there’s no doubt about it considering how they died. But Lyanna…I’d like to think that she was happy, even though her happiness tore the country apart. I’d like to think that she wasn’t in pain, that she didn’t suffer.”

Catelyn knew all too well that dying in childbirth was a death involving suffering. She cast her mind to her mother and the baby brother who died with her. She could still hear her mother’s screams, even all these years later. They had called Robb’s birth an easy one, but even thinking about it made Catelyn almost feel the pain. It was unlike any pain she could’ve imagined, and she dreaded to think what Jon’s birth would’ve been like for Lyanna. But her husband was clearly in pain, and needing some support, so she wasn’t going to tell him the truth about the horrors of childbirth.

“I’m sure she didn’t suffer. And her last hours were with her son. I’m sure that’s the way she would’ve wanted to go.” Her voice was tender, and she wondered if he knew it was a lie. But he seemed grateful for it, and kissed her hand.

“Thank you, Catelyn. You are a comfort.” She could tell he wanted to say more, but didn’t and Catelyn smiled. _Maybe I can come to love this northern husband of mine._


	4. Thirdborn Son (Benjen I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, chapter 4 is now up, and things may slow down now because I'm back at University.   
> This is from Benjen's POV and is quite a long chapter, but I hope it's good and hope you enjoy :)

Benjen had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing as he watched the scene in front of him. Old Nan had both Robb and Jon on her lap and was telling them one of the many stories she had told him many years ago. Neither of the boys were old enough to understand anything she was saying, but they both had their eyes wide open and were both focusing on her, and Nan enjoyed it, so he sat and watched, rather than interrupting the moment to comment on the futility of her story.

Ned returned from war nearly two moons ago, and it was clear to see how both babes had changed in the time that had passed since then. At six moons, Robb was already much more active than Jon, who was three moons younger than Robb, which meant it was hard to consolidate the lie that Jon is the older of the two. Robb babbled almost constantly, trying to form words that everyone pretended to understand. He was able to sit up with some assistance, and Ned had told him that Robb was now starting to sleep through the night.

Jon had started to make little cooing noises over the last week or so, and at the moment, that was about the only thing he could do. He was very quiet, nearly all the time, and Benjen wondered whether Jon could sense that his parents were dead. He very rarely cried or fussed, but he would also rarely smile. Benjen could count on one hand the amount of times he had seen the baby smile. He was the complete opposite to Robb, who was louder, smiled more and cried more.

Both boys were never short of attention. Benjen himself and Old Nan spent a lot of time with them, but they spent most of their time with Ned and Catelyn. They still slept in a crib in Catelyn’s chambers, despite the fact that Jon’s own crib had arrived from White Harbor many weeks ago.  Ned told him that neither he or Cat wanted to split the boys up at night, and until Jon was six moons old, they would both remain in her chambers at night and then both boys would move to the nursery together.

It made Benjen happy to know that despite their young age, the boys were very close, and would probably grow up as brothers. A few weeks ago, Robb had contracted some sort of sickness. Maester Luwin advised Ned to separate the boys until Robb was better to prevent the sickness from spreading to Jon as well, but on the first night they were separated, both boys had cried and fussed, and so the next night they were both back in the same crib, content once more.

Benjen was also glad to know that Jon had a surrogate mother and father, and would always know parental love. Catelyn had fitted into the role of a mother for Jon very quickly. Even though Jon can never know who is mother really is, Catelyn assured Benjen that she would never try to replace Lyanna, she just wanted to make sure Jon knows he is as loved as Robb, and for that Benjen was truly grateful. In the time since Catelyn had arrived at Winterfell, Benjen had gotten to know her, and he could see she was a kind, intelligent woman, a welcome addition to the family…and one who made Ned happier with each passing day.

Benjen found himself slightly more drawn to Jon than Robb, because he looked at Jon and saw his sister, the sister he loved so much. Benjen loved Brandon and Ned, but Lyanna was the one who remained at Winterfell with him, and they had grown up like twins. He would never favour one of his nephews ahead of the other, both were easy to love, but he had a true soft spot for Jon.

His thoughts were interrupted by Old Nan’s voice.

“Eddard, you need to smile more, my boy. Sit down with the boys and relax. Take a break from being Lord of Winterfell.” Benjen looked up to see that Ned had entered the room without him hearing, his face set in stone.

“Forgive me, Nan. I’m just worried about the Daynes. They’re due within a few hours. It’s setting me on edge.” Even Benjen had noticed the tension. They were relying on the Daynes to truly sell Jon’s story and everyone was hoping that they could be relied upon.

Despite this, a small smile appeared on his brother’s face when Robb heard his voice and reached his arms up for him, babbling for his father. Ned picked him up and Robb made even more noise as he tried to grab at Ned’s face. Ned placed Robb on the floor and sat Jon down beside him and produced two small wooden direwolves from his pocket. Jon just held onto his wolf, not quite yet old enough to truly interact with toys, while Robb wanted Ned to play with him, so Benjen watched as the father appeared in place of the Lord.

Benjen knew there was no point delaying what he wanted to speak to Ned about and spoke right as Robb had handed Ned the direwolf back, clearly enjoying the game he and his father were playing.

“I want to join the Night’s Watch.” As soon as he said it, the wooden direwolf dropped out of his brother’s hand and he whipped his head around to look at him, making sure he had heard correctly.

“What?”

“You heard correctly. I want to join the Night’s Watch.” Benjen knew that Ned had never been one for emotion and his face was almost frozen all the time. But he knew Ned better than anyone at Winterfell and saw a thousand emotions cross his features.

 “That’s ridiculous. Why?” Robb had grown irritated at the lack of attention being given to him by his father and started to fuss so Ned picked up the toy and gave it to him and then moved Robb closer to Jon so the two babes could interact.

“The Starks have manned the Wall since the time of Brandon the Builder. I am a Stark. I want to do my duty. I want defend Westeros.”

“No.” He had barely finished his sentences before Ned interrupted with his rebuttal and he started to grow slightly irritated at his brother.

“No?” Old Nan could sense the tension in the room and so decided to leave with both boys, casting a slightly worried look at them both.

“You’re not going.”

“You can’t stop me!” Benjen was truly angry at Ned now. He may be Lord of Winterfell but he had no right to control Benjen’s life.

“Benjen you are not yet five-and-ten. Gods, you still attend Maester Luwin’s lessons! You are not old enough to join the Night’s Watch.” Benjen knew this was nonsense, there were plenty of four-and-ten year old’s on the Wall, and the youngest Lord Commander in history, their ancestor Osric Stark, was merely ten when he was elected.

“You went to war last year. You’re not exactly old.” Benjen couldn’t help the slight bitterness that slipped into his voice.

“I was nine-and-ten. I didn’t have a choice.” In truth, it was a weak argument. Ned was over five years older than Benjen and had many extra years of training at the Eyrie before he went to war. Plus, when he was fighting in battles, he had thousands of men protecting him.

“I’m of no use here. The Wall is full of people who have no use. Many of our ancestors who weren’t needed have taken the black.” Benjen didn’t truly feel that he had no use, but he was behind Ned and Robb in the line of succession, and he felt sure that Ned would have more children.  

“No use?” Ned’s voice broke slightly, shocked that he felt this way and Benjen felt guilty for upsetting his brother, but he was still adamant that he was going to the Wall.

“I’m just a thirdborn son.”

“You’re not _just_ a thirdborn son. You’re my brother. I need you here.” In truth, Benjen didn’t know why Ned would need him here. He knew he wasn’t as knowledgeable as Maester Luwin, Old Nan or even Lady Catelyn, so Ned wouldn’t need his advice.

“You don’t need my advice. You have so many other people who are far more intelligent than I. And I’m not needed. You’re young, you have Robb as an heir and you’ll have more children. The line of succession is secure.”

“I don’t care about the line of succession. Well I do, but your being here has nothing to do with the line of succession. You are safe here, and you are a Stark, this is your _home._ _Our_ home. As my brother, you will always have a place here.” Ned’s face was pained as he spoke. “You have to know that.”

“I don’t want to just be known as Ned Stark’s brother. I want a purpose.” Benjen was proud to be known as Ned’s brother. Ned had fought to avenge their murdered father and brother and he had succeeded and was now viewed as a hero across the realm for ending the tyranny of the Mad King. He loved his brother, he would always love him, but Benjen truly wanted to do something to make his brother proud of him.

“Benjen, if you go to the Wall, you will _die_. I’m no master swordsman and you can’t beat me in the training field. How are you supposed to stop a wildlings axe?”

“Maybe I won’t become a Ranger.”

“Yes, you will. You are a highborn who has trained with a sword from the time he could hold a stick, of course you will be a Ranger.” He wanted to be a Ranger. He didn’t crave a fight, he knew better than to chase glory, but he also wanted this, truly wanted it. To be a part of a brotherhood. He was about to reply when Ned continued talking.

“I forbid you from going for at least two years.” Ned’s voice had turned to ice, completely opposite from the more tender voice he had just spoken in. His words shocked Benjen though. Ned was rarely firm with family.

“You forbid me? You can’t make me do anything!” Benjen truly shouted the last part. He didn’t want to argue with his brother, but he felt it was necessary.

“I am the Lord of Winterfell, and I forbid you from joining the Night’s Watch until you are at least six-and-ten.” Ned was eerily calm as he spoke, but there was firmness in his voice. Benjen could see now why people thought Ned was cold and frozen. His eyes were hard and determined. Deep down, Benjen knew Ned was right, but it didn’t stop him wanting to join. He simply left the room, not wanting to see his brother for the rest of the day.

*************

Lord and Lady Dayne had arrived and Benjen was escorting them to Ned’s solar, where they would have a private audience. They had stopped at the nursery so little Allyria could stay there with Old Nan and Robb, while Wylla was waiting in the room next to the solar to bring Jon in when needed.

He hadn’t spoken to Ned since their argument in the nursery, hadn’t even seen him really. He had kept to himself for a few days, not wanting any company other than his nephews, who couldn’t speak to him.

They reached the solar and he showed Lord Beric and his wife in, to find Ned, Catelyn and Maester Luwin already inside. Lord Beric and Lady Mariah bowed as Ned and Catelyn welcomed them.

“My Lord, My Lady, welcome to Winterfell. I trust your journey was without trouble.” Benjen had to laugh slightly at his brother. There was no doubt in his mind that Ned will become a fantastic Lord, far better than Brandon would’ve been. But he lacked their older brother’s ability to talk naturally, and watching him now it was clear to see how ill-eased he was.

“The weather does not suit us, My Lord, as I am sure the Dornish heat does not suit you. I had never seen snow until we reached the North.”

“And up here we never see the sun.” Lord Dayne turned to Benjen and smiled slightly at his joke.

“My Lady, we stopped at Riverrun on our way North. Your brother, Edmure, asked us to tell you he misses you, and Lord Hoster asked us to pass on his love.” Lord Dayne addressed his goodsister with kindness, and Catelyn smiled to hear of her family.

“I wanted to express my condolences for the deaths of your family members. Lord Rickard’s murder in particular was unjust.” Lord Dayne didn’t have a very thick Dornish accent but it was clear what part of the country he was from. And despite fighting on opposite sides of the war, Benjen could tell the man was sincere.

“And I offer my condolences for your losses as well, My Lord.” Benjen had almost forgotten that Lord and Lady Dayne had lost two of their children, one of them at Ned’s hand.

“But, the war was not all bad for our families. We have a new daughter, and I understand you have a son, so I offer congratulations to you and your Lady as well. What is his name?”

“Robb.” Ned smiled slightly at the thought of Robb.

“Named for Robert Baratheon I assume?” Ned nodded, and the room was quickly filled with tension as the Dornish were well aware of how Robert had reacted to the deaths of their Princess and her children. “You know, Lord Stark, when you arrived at Starfall with Dawn, I did not expect the man who killed a knight as skilled as my son would be so young.”

If the situation were less tense, Benjen would’ve thought it was almost comical how everyone’s eyes widened slightly, and Ned started to stammer as he spoke.

“My-My Lord. I…” Ned’s speech was interrupted, but by Lady Dayne and not her husband.

“There’s no need to stammer over excuses, My Lord. We are not angry with you. It was war and you and Arthur were on opposing sides, one of you would’ve died in that fight. I always knew Arthur’s death would be in a fight or a battle. I hold no ill will against you, I can assure you of that. I can only thank you once more for returning Dawn to us.”

“It was the right thing to do. Had I fallen, I know it would’ve meant a lot for someone to return Ice to Winterfell where it belongs. Ser Arthur was the finest knight I’ve ever seen, My Lady. He was a good man. Unfortunately, I held no love for the King he served and he held no love for Robert. But he was a good man and I am sorry for his death.” Lady Dayne smiled sadly, and Benjen could see the ghost of a tear in her eye.

“I will say though, My Lord. I am wondering why you have chosen to have a private meeting over a public audience.”

“In truth, My Lady, the reason I invited you to Winterfell cannot be discussed in public. I am placing a great deal of trust in you and your husband. We do not know anything about each other, but Ser Arthur was a man of true honour, and I suspect that is because of the reason he was raised.” Ned took a deep breath, preparing himself for telling two people who were essentially strangers the truth. “My sister was not kidnapped by Rhaegar. She went willingly and they married but I didn’t know until I reached her. She also had a baby, a trueborn—”

“A trueborn babe who if a girl, was to be named Visenya, and if a boy was to be named Aemon.” Lord Dayne’s interruption surprised everyone in the room and everyone remained silent for a while, Ned seemingly lost for words, and even Catelyn and Luwin didn’t know how to reply.

“You know? How?” Benjen was shocked, but seemed to be the only person who could find their voice.

“My daughter told me. It was Ashara who told Varys where your sister was, Lord Stark. And if I am right, you heard it from him. Ashara had visited Lyanna at the tower when your sister was heavily pregnant and helped her. My daughter hated Rhaegar for what he did to Elia, but she felt for Lyanna. She didn’t want to tell us the truth, she knew the risk that this secret could carry to the babe, but she broke down over her daughter’s death and told us. That night she threw herself off the cliff. I suspect she told us in case the word never got to you, and then we could tell you ourselves.”

“Why would she help her though?” It struck Benjen as odd that a woman with no real ties to House Stark would help his sister, especially after what Rhaegar did to Ashara’s good friend.

“I don’t think my daughter was truly in love with your brother Brandon. But it was his babe that she had and she lost it. And she did like your brother a lot. She could see a future with him and their child, even though they both shamed their houses, but that was taken from her. She told me the babe was Brandon’s niece or nephew, and she would help it for his sake. But she also didn’t want another mother to know the pain of losing a child, and wanted to help your sister in any way she could. How she knew your sister was there, I don’t know, but I want you both to know that your sister’s last months weren’t as awful as you’ve imagined them to be.”

Everyone was silent for a while, trying to take in the information they had just received. Benjen felt immense gratitude that someone had tried to help his sister, unlike her husband who kept her locked in a tower while she was pregnant. He saw Ned nod towards Catelyn who left the room, and returned seconds later with Wylla and baby Jon.

“This must be him then. I assume his name is no longer Aemon Targaryen.” Lord Dayne gestured his arms and Ned nodded, so Catelyn handed Jon to him.

“His name is Jon Snow.” Benjen explained and saw the confusion in Lord Dayne’s eyes.

“Snow? Isn’t Snow the bastard name in the North?”

“It is. We decided to erase any suspicion around him. The name Snow is common.” Ned replied and Benjen saw Lord Dayne study Jon’s features.

“All Stark I see. Whose bastard is he supposed to be?”

“Brandon’s. It’s far-fetched, but we have a plan to sell the lie. If we are to succeed, however, we need your support. He’s not all Stark, his eyes are violet.” Catelyn’s response meant Lord Dayne knew exactly who they had planned the mother of the child to be.

“And you want the mother to be my daughter?” Ned nodded at the question and Benjen now started to worry that their plan would be for nothing, but Lord Dayne continued. “Then there’s nothing for us to think about. This child shall be our Grandson.”

Benjen released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, surprised at the ease of which he agreed. They didn’t even have to ask.

“My daughter helped this child before he was born, and I will honour her memory by continuing to do so. He looks like the daughter she lost.”

“My Lord, I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am.” Ned had managed to find his voice.

“Of course, we will have to visit rather regularly. I assume your own children will visit Riverrun at times to see Lord Hoster.” Upon Ned’s nod, he continued. “And so we will have to visit our grandson in the same way. And young Jon should know his Aunt Allyria as well.”

The remainder of the meeting was rather cheerful considering the circumstances, and Jon managed to charm Lord and Lady Dayne. Benjen was truly grateful they had been so accepting of the entire situation, and praised the Dornish and their more relaxed customs. It also warmed Benjen’s heart that Jon would truly feel accepted in life. Not only was there he, Ned and Catelyn, but now he would have relatives of his ‘mother’ who he would know, visit and write to as he got older. Jon would truly be loved by both sides of those he knew to be his family.

*************

Benjen still didn’t truly want to see Ned, and was trying to avoid him. He wasn’t angry at Ned, but he knew if they had a conversation alone, they would argue again, and he didn’t want that. Instead, he returned to the nursery, wanting to see his nephews and make them both laugh. When he entered, he saw his goodsister with Jon in her arms, trying to get him to sleep, which was proving a hard task because Robb was sat on the floor demanding his mother’s attention.

“I’m sorry, My Lady. I will leave you.”

“It’s okay, Benjen. They both enjoy your company. Perhaps you can have better luck getting Jon to sleep than I have.” She handed Jon to him and then picked up Robb, who went from screaming to laughing now he had the attention he wanted. And he turned his attention to Jon.

“At least they’ll cover for him. Your brother has been stressing out for the last few days worried over him.” Catelyn looked at him sympathetically before continuing. “He told me about your fight.”

“It wasn’t a fight as much as him ordering me around.” Benjen knew he was being petty, but a part of him was still hurt at the way Ned had used his authority to prevent him from doing something he wanted.

“He loves you,” Catelyn said softly. “You’ve both suffered losses that I wouldn’t be able to handle and all in such a small space of time. He just doesn’t want to lose you too. You’re all he has left of his old life.”

“He’s not alone. He has you, Robb and Jon. He doesn’t need me here.” Benjen hated the thought of his brother not needing him, but it was true. He had his own family, and it would only get bigger. Benjen felt that the Night’s Watch could be his own family.

"You're his brother. He needs you. He needs you more than you'll ever know." Benjen wasn't sure Ned truly needed  _him._ Someone like Brandon would be of more use to Ned. But his brother had clearly spoken to his wife about him, and it touched Benjen to know how much Ned cared for him. Benjen decided he would obey Ned. He would wait at least two years before joining the Night's Watch and would help his brother in any way possible.


	5. Nameday (Catelyn II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, chapter 5 is up! Sorry for the wait, but unfortunately updates won't be frequent from now on. I have the next few chapters planned but not yet written, and also if anyone has any ideas on something to include, feel free to let me know. Hope you enjoy :)

Three moons had passed since the Daynes had visited Winterfell, and Catelyn believed she was finally getting used to life in the North. She still considered Riverrun more her true home than Winterfell, but this Northern castle now had a place in her heart.

Winterfell itself was an impressive structure, and it was easy to understand why it had never been taken. It was grey and simple in comparison to any castle south of the Neck, but Catelyn had come to love the simple Northern way and found herself adapting quickly, albeit more for Robb’s sake than her own.

When she had first arrived at Winterfell, she had expected the castle to be freezing, but it was the exact opposite. Despite being so far North, Winterfell’s interiors were warmer than Riverrun’s at times. The Great Keep was built over hot springs which warmed the castle from underneath, and her chamber was the warmest room in the entire castle, though she still needed the fire burning at night, especially since Ned always insisted on having the window open.

Perhaps more impressive than the castle was the Godswood. It had remained untouched for ten thousand years, and it said that Brandon the Builder raised the castle around it. At the centre stood the ancient weirwood, a face carved in its trunk with leaves as red as her hair. She had spent the afternoon in the Godswood with Robb once, and whilst she had to admit it was beautiful, it was still eerie to an outsider.

Despite settling into her role as Lady of Winterfell rather well, she did miss Riverrun from time to time. It was more the people of Riverrun that she missed. The men and women of Winterfell all respected her; she liked to think she had proven that she is tough enough to live in the North, despite being a ‘southron bride’, but she still had her doubts. She had no such doubts at Riverrun and felt no need to prove herself. While at times she yearned for Riverrun, Winterfell was Robb’s home, a castle he would one-day rule over.

Thinking of Riverrun led her to think of Edmure. She missed her brother dearly and wished to see him again. He had written, but his handwriting was so untidy that at times it was difficult to understand. Edmure had only been one when their mother had died, and it had fallen to Cat to help raise him, and she missed seeing his smiling face every day. Of course, she missed her father and Lysa as well, but it was Edmure she missed the most.

She became so lost in her thoughts that she had reached the nursery quicker than she had expected. She felt a small pang in her heart as she approached the door. Her boys were no longer sleeping in her chambers and had both moved into the nursery. They were both sleeping through the night and as Jon was now six moons old, there was no need for them to be watched over while they slept. It still upset her though, they had grown so quickly already. But she put the thought behind her and smiled as she opened the door.

“Mama!” Robb squealed at her and crawled as fast as he could, raising his arms to be lifted into the air when he arrived at her feet. She smiled as she picked him up and showered his face with kisses.

On the floor, Jon had also started to smile and babble at her, not yet old enough to form words. She placed Robb on the floor and bent down to kiss Jon as well, tickling him and earning a laugh. Jon had become rather clingy lately, so he whimpered as she moved away. She bent down to pick him up and sat on one of the chairs, with him on his knee, watching Robb play with his toys.

She often found herself here of late, just watching the boys play together. While she loved that they were growing older and were now more mobile she found herself wishing time would not pass quickly. Soon they would be sparring with wooden swords and growing up, but she wanted them to remain as babes for as long as possible, not wanting them to face the real world, especially Jon who will have to bear the shame of a bastard name, no matter how much they do to prevent it.

Catelyn had been tense since she woke up this morning, so being with the boys helped her remain calm. Today was the day they had chosen to be Jon’s nameday, and it would be his first. But at just six moons old, Jon could not yet pass as older than Robb. Robb was talking already. His vocabulary only consisted of ‘mama’, ‘papa’ and ‘no’, which he used more often than Catelyn would like, but it was still far more advanced than Jon, who at the minute could only manage a babble.

Robb was also crawling everywhere. She and Ned had to constantly look out for him as it seemed he was never happy to remain in one place for a short space of time. He was certainly adventurous for a child of just nine moons, and wanted to explore every inch of the castle he could. Last week, he had managed to crawl away from Old Nan while her attention was on Jon, and no doubt would’ve crawled into some form of danger had Jory not seen him trying to leave the room. And Robb had recently added a new milestone: pulling himself up so he could stand. Maester Luwin told them that he would soon start walking, a milestone that Catelyn was dreading as she knew her son would walk wherever his legs would take him.

Jon on the other hand was nowhere near ready to walk or talk. He babbled, but not very often as he was cut off by his cousin shouting his new-found words loudly and he was able to sit up by himself, but he showed no signs of crawling yet. And he was smaller than Robb, meaning that today’s nameday had to be a quieter affair, with no one but Ned’s most trusted men invited as they tried to pass the child off as six moons older than he actually was.

Catelyn knew the likes of Jory and Ser Rodrik silently questioned how young Jon could possibly be older than Robb, but they knew their Lord would have a reason to lie, and would therefore remain silent about it. It was the kitchen maids and smallfolk who visited that worried Catelyn. They would gossip about anything they could and the obvious lie of Jon’s nameday would have them talking to months.

Catelyn told Ned of her worries, and he agreed with her. Gossip within Winterfell was harmless, but it could easily reach ears that they did not want it to reach. Varys the Spider had spies everywhere, and one word from his spies could put them all in danger, not to mention Roose Bolton, a man that Ned had mentioned should never be trusted, no matter how many oaths of allegiance he has sworn to Winterfell.

Ned had thought that it was safer if they simply didn’t have a nameday celebration, but Catelyn dismissed his words. Every child should have some sort of celebration on their first nameday, even if they would not remember it and even if it was not actually their nameday so she had suggested that instead they simply had a small event, with the two of them, Benjen and some of the most trustworthy people within Winterfell.

It wasn’t the most ideal situation, but by the time Jon is old enough to remember his nameday celebrations, the age difference will not be so obvious, and they will not have to hide him as much.

True to their word, the Daynes had kept their promise to keep sending ravens and enquire about Jon, far more often than Catelyn had expected. She supposed it was a good thing really, the more ravens coming from Starfall, the more the lie would look convincing. The older Jon gets, the more he himself will be able to correspond with his ‘grandparents’ and feel like less of a mistake, as many bastards are prone too.

They had sent him a small present, aware that today was the day they had chosen for his nameday. It was a simple gift, but one that would no doubt mean a lot to Jon as he grows. Lady Dayne had stitched him a purple blanket with the white sword and falling star that graces the Dayne banners. This, along with the direwolf blanket she had stitched herself for Jon, would make sure that he felt he had a place, that he had a mother, a family, even if they weren’t his actual family, and Catelyn had no doubt that Jon will love the gift they had given him even when he is too old to sleep with a blanket.

Robb suddenly let out a high-pitched squeal and started crawling towards the door, which she realised had been opened by her husband, who pick his eager son up as he reached him. Catelyn remained sat in the chair with Jon on her lap but smiled as Ned played with Robb.

They remained in silence for a while, with Robb’s laughter the only noise. Eventually, Jon grew restless in her arms and was not content with being away from the fun. She placed him next to Robb and watched as the two shared their wooden knights, communicating in babbles, and Jon was happy to let Robb bite his toys. Robb had started teething and sunk his teeth into anything he could get his hands on.

“You look down today, My Lady,” Ned’s voice was soft, clearly concerned for her. “You were looking forward to today.”

“I just…I don’t want them to grow up,” she replied, her eyes still watching the boys as they played.

“We’ll have more.” That made her smile. She had always been told that it was a wife’s duty to give her husband many children, but when she first held Robb and then later Jon, she realised that the connection between mother and child went above and beyond duty. She wanted more children not out of duty, because she would love them. _Mayhaps I will have a daughter next._

“You’re beautiful when you smile. I mean, you’re always beautiful, but you-you…” She looked at Ned and noted he was scratching the back of his neck as he often did when he was nervous. She still wasn’t sure what it was between them, but it was certainly more than duty. Unable to reply, she just gazed back at him, looking into the eyes she had once thought could hold no emotion. She now knew better.

The knock at the door made her jump and interrupted her gaze. Her goodbrother walked in with a huge smile on his face and picked up Jon from where he was sat on the floor.

“Well, guess whose nameday it is?” After Benjen spoke, he pulled faces at Jon, causing him to laugh breathlessly. Benjen was the most excited for Jon’s ‘nameday’, wanting to spoil his nephew, though Jon himself would never remember it.

Catelyn had watched Benjen with Jon closely of late and it was clear to see that Benjen saw so much of his sister in this tiny little boy, hence the closeness. He loved and adored Robb, of that she knew, but Ned was still alive and therefore Benjen still had a connection to his brother. The only thing left of Lyanna was the still tiny baby he held and he was so much a Stark that it was obvious Benjen saw just Lyanna and not Rhaegar. Jon was his last connection to his sister, the sister he had been so close too.

Robb, unhappy with the lack of attention his Uncle had shown him, started to fuss and whine. Benjen bent down to ruffle Robb’s hair, but couldn’t pick him up as he hadn’t yet learned how to balance the two.

“I still don’t really know what to do with babes. I swear these two cry in my presence more than they laugh.” Benjen’s smile was almost self-deprecating, doubting the boys loved him.

She had realised that both Ned and Benjen were incredibly critical of themselves, forever second-guessing every move they made. It was a huge contrast to Brandon who had always been so sure of himself, so confident she often saw it as slight arrogance, but his two younger brothers were so unsure of everything they did and she sometimes wondered why. Her husband was a good man, a well-respected Lord and a very attentive father and Benjen was good too, eager to please, loved by everyone, and fiercely loyal to those he cared for.

“They love you, Benjen. They’re always excited to see you,” Catelyn tried to reassure him. Since Ned had told her of Benjen’s desire to join the Night’s Watch, she herself had also tried to convince him to stay. For Ned’s sake and for his own.

Ned had admitted that the thought of his younger brother putting aside his House and family to likely die upon the Wall was as painful as losing the rest of his family. Benjen was his last living sibling, and she could somewhat understand how he felt. She would do anything to prevent Edmure from putting himself in unnecessary danger. But it seemed that for now, Benjen had decided his place was in Winterfell.

They remained in the nursery discussing simple things for some time, and when Old Nan arrived to tell them that the meal was ready, they moved into a chamber specifically set up for today. Big enough to fit everybody in, but small enough not to attract unwanted attention.

Jon’s eyes lit up as he was passed around from person to person, almost aware that it was his special day and she smiled at her nephew, pleased that they had created this. There weren’t many people present, besides her, Ned and Benjen, only Old Nan, Ser Rodrik, Maester Luwin and Jory had been invited, but it was a perfect day for a perfect little boy.

For once, Robb grew tired before Jon and Nan excused herself to put Robb to bed, giving Catelyn longer to remain and enjoy the simple celebration. It was clear that the people in the room adored Jon, and it warmed her heart to know that the people who would mean the most to Jon could look past the name he would forever bear: Snow.

Jon’s eyes eventually began to droop as he sat on Ned’s knee, and so they had all called it a night. She went with him as he put Jon to bed, more than content to look at the boys in their peaceful sleep. She felt Ned’s arm around her shoulder and he kissed her hair and she smiled at the wonderful day they had just had. _I hope there are many more._


	6. Papa Ned (Eddard III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I've finally got chapter 6 up. Sorry for the delay in writing, I've had so much Uni work and I've just been busy in general. Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

_It’s a good thing I have patience,_ Ned thought as he looked at the piles of paperwork in front of him. He had been working for hours, since first-light, and had been doing so non-stop for days.

An illness had fallen over the castle and Catelyn had caught it. Maester Luwin had assured him that it was harmless and would soon pass, but he had advised him to keep the boys away until the sickness had passed. It could be far more harmful for a babe than for an adult.

The illness meant that he hadn’t had Catelyn’s help for the past two days. He had come to rely on her and ask her advice often of late. Maester Luwin was also indisposed, treating to the sick, so Ned had been working on his own, meaning it took twice as long.

“Papa!” Robb had crawled over to Ned’s desk, annoyed that his father’s attention had been turned elsewhere. Robb could be demanding at times, but he was the sweetest child a man could ever hope for. He was full of life and everyone at Winterfell loved him. He was happy and adventurous at such a young age.

Ned had decided to give Old Nan a break today and have the boys in his solar while he worked. Nan had been taking care of them for two days straight and Ned had barely seen them himself so he wanted them nearby today. Still being young, Robb and Jon were easily entertained just playing with each other as he worked.

Jon, now able to crawl as well, made his way to Ned’s desk beside his cousin and Ned picked both boys up, setting one on either knee.

“You two can help me with all of this.” He arranged them so they were looking at the paperwork on his desk, and both boys immediately tried to grab at anything their hands could reach. Letting them entertain themselves with what they grabbed, Ned continued reading the letter from Lord Bolton.

Roose Bolton was a man that Ned would never trust. During the rebellion, Ned felt his cold blue eyes following him everywhere, waiting for him to make a mistake. Ned constantly doubted his own ability to rule, after all he was only a second son and he was never taught the lessons that Brandon was, but being around Bolton made his confidence drop even further. He often made sly comments about how Lord Rickard would’ve done something, and did not approve of the fact that Ned had essentially been raised in the South.

The letter was well mannered as Ned expected, and contained a single request. Bolton had heard from somewhere that Ned was planning to foster both Robb and Jon and had offered the Dreadfort as a place for one of them. Ned was confused as to where this rumour had come from because he had never considered sending either boy away. He had been fostered himself and while he loved Jon Arryn and the way he was raised, it often made him feel less wanted, far away from home.

The thought of being separated from these two boys he had come to love so much was too much to bear anyway. Neither of them, nor any other children he may have, will be fostered. After losing so much of his family, Ned didn’t want to be separated from the rest of them, a reason why he forbade Benjen going to the Wall for now.

Robb and Jon grew restless on his knees, unable to be still for a long period of time. He placed them both on the floor and they crawled off, back to the toys they were playing with before, making a lot of noise. Jon was on the verge of talking now, and they expected his first words any day soon, especially because he spent all his time with Robb, who was now forever uttering one-word sentences.

Leaving the boys to play, he wrote back to Lord Bolton, explaining that neither boy would be fostered anywhere. He decided to include an invitation to foster Roose’s son, Domeric, here at Winterfell when the boy was a bit older. Ned had heard that the boy, despite his young age, had very little Bolton in him. He was not cunning or sly, but a happy child, more like his mother than his father. Ned would like to see the next Lord Bolton raised honourably, and would accept him at Winterfell. _Mayhaps he will grow to be a friend to the children, and the Boltons will truly stand behind the Starks after thousands of years,_ Ned thought wearily.

Ned’s head shot up when he heard a thud, and looked at the boys in time to see Robb start crying. Clearly his son had fallen whilst trying to walk and hurt himself, and was now screaming for him. Sighing, he went over and picked Robb up, but he still cried on. Jon, on the other hand, did not seem fazed by his cousin’s screaming, instead he found the ordeal funny. Jon was laughing more than Ned had ever seen him laugh before, and it brought a smile to his face, reminding him of when Brandon would always laugh at anything that went wrong for himself.

The two of them clearly had affection for one another and if their early months continued as they had, they would truly mimic him and his older brother. Robb was like Brandon, constantly laughing and trying to make himself heard above everyone else, never without a smile on his face. Ned only hoped that his son did not gain Brandon’s recklessness and hot-headedness, the things that sent him to an early grave. Jon on the other hand seemed more like him, quiet, only laughing and smiling when it was true, happy to let others lead. Like himself, Jon would be more of a follower, more patient, able to observe more through looking closely, traits that Ned felt have actually done him well and would hopefully do Jon well in the future.

As Robb’s father, it was his job to help him grow, to nurture him into the man he would become. The thought terrified Ned because he constantly worried he would fail his son. Ned had not received the guidance that Brandon had from their own father. As the heir, Brandon often spent more time with his father than the other three, learning things that a Lord should know. Ned had not received these same lessons, his father not realising the horrible fate that would befall the oldest son, and so Ned worried that he would not be able to give Robb the true help he needs.

Robb had calmed down in his arms, his sobs turning to small hiccups and the tears streaming down his face were now only glistening in his eyes. This was not the first time Robb had hurt himself while walking. The more mobile Robb became, the more it worried Ned. At times Ned felt he was probably overprotective of the boys, but in the year he had known them, he had come to love them more than he’s ever loved anyone before, and the thought of Robb or Jon getting themselves into danger made Ned’s heart sink into his stomach. He would give his life for these boys, both so different, but both so special.

********

Benjen had collected Jon from his solar earlier and had taken him to the Godswood. Once a week, his brother would pray for Lyanna, Brandon and father, and had taken Jon with him every time since Jon’s arrival, wanting to have Jon there to pray to his mother. _I suppose as Jon grows older, it will be to pray for Brandon more_.

Ned had often wondered how Jon would react when he is old enough to know that his ‘parents’ were dead. Jon had loving family here in Winterfell and also in Starfall and Ned hoped that would be enough. He also thought many years down the line and tried to imagine how Jon would react when he finds out that Brandon and Ashara aren’t actually his parents. Would he hate them for lying to him? Though the conversation was many years away, Ned was already dreading it. _He will lose his grandparents and family in House Dayne. He will lose his Stark father and gain a Targaryen one. Will he feel like he belongs anywhere?_

He had noticed that Benjen’s ritual of going to the Godswood with Jon gave his brother some comfort, so Ned did not want to intrude or break it. Jon would spend the entire afternoon with Benjen after leaving the Godswood and his brother would seem a little happier for it. It comforted his brother to have Jon with him as he prayed to those lost to them forever, clinging on to the last bit of Lyanna.

Normally, Ned would spend the afternoon of these days with Catelyn and Robb, playing with their son in the nursery, but as his wife was ill, it was just he and Robb. He was happy to let Robb decide what to do, and his son had wanted to continue his favourite game of having Ned stack blocks on top of each other, and then promptly knocking them down.

“‘Gain”, Robb shouted with glee, clapping his hands as the blocks fell to the floor. His eyes were bright and his smile was wide and there was no way Ned could refuse him. Robb giggled as he stacked the blocks once more and their game continued for quite some time.

Robb’s attention was firmly on the game they were playing until he looked at the window and saw the snowflakes. It had taken less than a year for spring to actually arrive following the Year of the False Spring, and by now they were truly in summer. Ned, however, felt that this summer would not last long, and they would soon be in winter once more.

Despite Robb’s life being all in summer, he had still seen plenty of snow since he arrived after the journey from Riverrun. Winterfell was prone to deep snows even in the middle of the best of summers, something Ned was glad of. He never felt as much a Stark as he did when it was snowing, truly feeling at one with the cold and winter weather. Growing up in the Eyrie, he had still seen much snow, but it had always reminded him of home.

Robb had taken to snow very well, loving how the snowflakes melted in his hand and enjoying the game he played where he stumbled on his feet trying to catch the snow on his tongue. His eyes went wide with awe as he spotted the window with the snow falling outside.

“Snow! Papa! Snow!” Robb climbed up on his unsteady feet and ran toward the window, stumbling slightly on unsteady feet. He waved his arms up and down and turned to look at Ned “Out!”

He didn’t have the heart to refuse his little boy in his request to play out in the snow, and an hour or so later, Robb had begun to tire after having his father build several snowmen. Robb had loved the cold, rolling around in the snow as well as he could with the bundle of clothes he had on. Ned didn’t allow him to get too cold in the snow, the last thing he needed was Robb to catch a chill, but his son dealt with the cold extremely well. _He may have the Tully colouring, but there is no doubt he is a true Stark_ , Ned thought with a laugh.

After growing bored playing in the snow, Robb’s little legs took them both to the entrance of the Godswood and Ned picked him up before entering. Just a few days ago, Robb had been running in the Godswood and had tripped over a branch he had not seen. It led to tears that even his mother couldn’t stop and a scrape on his knee and arms that hadn’t healed.

It was as if Robb, despite not yet being a year old yet, understood the importance of the Godswood and was silent when he was there, which Ned thought was unusual for a child who attempted to let everyone know he was now able to speak, shouting words at every opportunity. Robb loved the colours of the Godswood. In the North where it was very bleak and plain at times, the Godswood was a place with colour and was often bright, despite its slightly foreboding nature.

Ned sat at his usual spot before the heart tree and offered his silent prayers as he always did. He remained silent for a while, almost getting lost staring at the pool in front of him. He truly missed a real Godswood while he was fostered at the Eyrie. This was a place he always came to when he was troubled, and that often happened. It helped him feel connected to his heritage, remembering that once, long ago, Brandon the Builder had sat where he was now and raised this incredible castle around the Godswood.

Looking down, Ned realised that Robb had fallen asleep while he had been praying. He studied his sons looks and admitted to himself that he was happy he had more of Catelyn’s looks than his own. Robb had inherited some of his features, a slightly longer face and it looked as if he would be quite lean, but his light, red hair and blue eyes were Tully. Though Jon had the Targaryen eyes, the rest of him was Stark. Ned wondered if Jon would grow to be more like Brandon and Lyanna, easy on the eye; or if he would end up with the plainer, simpler looks that he and Benjen got.

Being in the Godswood made Ned recall how he hadn’t been married in one. Although he grew up in a castle where there was no Godswood, he just assumed that when his father finally arranged a match for him, it would be here before this heart tree he would be wedded. Fate obviously had other plans, but Ned did not resent being married in the sept of Riverrun. Catelyn herself had taken him to what remained of the Godswood at Riverrun after the wedding in the sept, but he had to admit to her that despite being a Northman, he had never witnessed a Northern wedding ceremony and did not know what happened. Catelyn had simply laughed and instead of having a private ceremony, they remained in the Godswood before returning to the castle for the feast.

Thinking of these memories made Ned realise that whenever he had been in the south, there was always some sort of Godswood for him to go to. They were all mostly destroyed, but still there. Whether it was at the Eyrie or Riverrun, he had a place to go to if he wanted to find his Gods when he needed them, but here in the North, Catelyn had nowhere to go to pray to her own.

Lord Manderly had a sept at White Harbor, but it was miles away. Every other Northern castle had only Godswoods, and knew next to nothing of the Seven. Ned wanted his wife to have a place for her own Gods here at Winterfell. Ned would write to Lord Manderly in the morning, asking his advice on how to build a sept for his lady wife.


	7. Celebration (Eddard IV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 is up guys and it's another from Ned's POV. As always, I'm open to any suggestions to add in future chapters.  
> Thanks to my amazing beta kingstqrk

Winterfell had been in chaos for the last couple of days, everyone in the castle wanted Robb’s first nameday to be perfect. Ned could not believe that his son was a year old already. He had grown so much since he first held him all those months ago. Robb was now walking and talking, albeit not brilliantly, and watching the changes he saw in Robb daily made Ned feel twenty years older than he was.

He cast his mind back to the letter he received on a cold battlefield one morning. The letter Catelyn had written to him telling him he was to be a father. Everyone was hoping that he would have an heir quickly, but after spending only two weeks at Riverrun with his new wife, Ned did not imagine for a second a child would come so soon. He felt nervous as he read the letter, conflicting emotions. Of course, he was happy that he would have a child, but he was also aware that the child may never know his father, or the child may be punished for his father’s treason.

The news of his impending fatherhood meant that celebrations were held that night. It felt rather wrong to celebrate in the middle of a war, but Ned himself was happy with the news, and one night of celebration would harm no one. He received several claps on the back, and suffered through Robert’s lewd remarks, but at the back of his mind the entire night was the new life he had created.

It wasn’t until after the Battle of the Trident that Ned received another letter, informing him that he had a son, and that both the mother and child were healthy. It was a weight off Ned’s shoulders. He knew the perils of childbirth, and how both the mothers and children could perish. He had prayed night and day for the safety of his wife and child, and it seemed his gods had heard his prayers.

Obviously, learning about Robb paled in comparison to actually meeting him, a moment Ned would never forget. And from the day he held Robb, Ned knew he would gladly take a blade for the little boy. Several months on, and he was proud of the development his son was making, and was also proud of the bond that Robb and Jon had, the two of them brothers in every way that counts.

Just then, Catelyn walked through the door to his solar, Robb walking at her side and Jon in her arms. Robb ran toward him and he lifted his son in the air, throwing him slightly and catching, heart softening at the childish giggles. After putting him down, Jon also wanted to get in on the fun and so he did the same for Jon, both boys clearly loving it.

Sitting back down on his chair, he picked Robb up and placed him on his knee, placing a small kiss on the hands his son was waving at him.

“I can’t believe you are already one year old.” Robb obviously had no idea what he was saying, but seemed to sense that this day was for him. They hadn’t had the feast yet but he had been passed around from person to person, all marvelling on how strong the ‘little lord’ looked at his young age. Robb had smiled throughout the entire day.

“What will we do about Jon?” Catelyn asked him, and he looked at her to find Jon was back in her arms, and she had a wishful look in her eyes. “I want him to be there.”

Ned sighed and stood up, placing Robb on his hip.

“So, do I, but we don’t know who will be here. He still doesn’t look older than Robb. One word from the wrong person and we are all in danger.” Ned was conflicted. He hated that Jon was still kept slightly hidden from the world. He, Catelyn, Benjen and Maester Luwin constantly worried that one remark from a kitchen maid or a passing Lord would spread and reach the wrong ears.

“What if we have Benjen keep hold of him. Only your most trusted people hold him. I know it’s a risk and he’ll be too young to remember it, but he should be there, not stuck in the nursery with Old Nan.” Ned knew she was right, Jon shouldn’t be shut away and so he agreed that Benjen would keep an eye on Jon, never letting the wrong person see him. It was a tough way for Jon to live his early days, but the risk was large. Just another year and then the age difference would not be noticeable. At two years old, it would be easy to say that Jon was just slower at learning to walk and talk than other babes.

**********

Lords from all over the North had come to pay their respects to the heir to Winterfell, many no doubt wanting to show their support in the hope that their Lord would favour them. Robb had sat at the table but soon grew bored of being introduced to men he had never met before, and walked over to join Benjen where he was sat with Jon at the end of the table. The two boys were now playing together and made themselves heard over the hustle and bustle of the room.

Ned had been forced to make small talk with everyone who had visited and while he liked and respected many of his bannermen, he was never made for conversation. Fortunately, Catelyn was and she managed to keep many conversations from ending abruptly. He thanked the gods that he had been blessed with a wife who would manage to excel in all the things he was not made for. _We complement each other perfectly,_ he thought with a sudden happiness.

“So, My Lord. What do you think about my offer?” Rickard Karstark had been talking for a long time and Ned had drifted out of the conversation, but had caught parts of it, and grew slightly angry.

“Lord Karstark, my son is still a babe as is your daughter. Perhaps in ten years I will start discussing betrothals and not a minute before. My brother and sister were both at least two and ten before their marriages were arranged.” Karstark’s offer was not the first betrothal offer Ned had received and he had rejected every one of them. He would wait until Robb was older to discuss potential brides for him.

Perhaps more annoying than the betrothal offers were the attempts at flattery which Ned saw as empty. Yes, it was more than true that Catelyn was a remarkable beauty and Robb and Jon were both delightful children, but he saw straight through many of the Lords compliments and saw them for what they were: an attempt to win his favour.

Ned could see that Karstark was going to reply, but Maege Mormont got in before him.

“Oh, Rickard give it a rest. This is a celebration, not a meeting!” Lady Mormont continued talking to Lord Karstark, admonishing him for bringing politics to a child’s nameday. Ned looked to his left and saw Catelyn had a smirk on her face, watching the scene unfold. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

“I told you you’d like her.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman quite like her. She’s remarkable.” Ned liked that despite being from the south, Catelyn was starting to appreciate the differences in the North and was adapting well. The sensation was oddly akin to pride

Talk continued when Ned heard a roaring laugh approaching them. He didn’t have to look to know that the Greatjon was approaching them. Jon clapped Ned on the back, forgetting formality, which had never bothered Ned. Jon had always had a great sense of humour and while he always respected his liege lord, he often tried to keep the mood light, being more informal.

“Ah, Ned. Hard to believe your lad is a year old already. Healthy young boy as well. I’m sure he’ll grow to do your House proud.” The Greatjon was someone who always said what he thought, and Ned never worried about empty flattery while around him. He wanted nothing in return for his kind words.

Jon then looked to Catelyn, and almost looked embarrassed at his informality. Bowing to her, he spoke again.

“My Lady, as always you look radiant this evening. Far too lovely to be sat next to frozen face here.” Jon hadn’t quite managed to keep the laughter out of his voice as he all but insulted his liege lord, but Ned didn’t take offence, knowing it was all in good faith.

“As always Jon, your compliments are welcome.”

“Hah! Humour from you. Whoever would have thought it. You must have a good influence on him, My Lady. Next thing we know he won’t stop smiling and his laugh will be louder than mine.”

Ned seriously doubted that would ever happen, but he was glad that his bannermen were acknowledging Catelyn. He knew many of his men had turned their noses up at his father’s decision to marry Brandon to a delicate ‘Southron’ lady but Cat was demonstrating that she was not fragile, and had already won many of his bannermen over. Of course, producing an heir within a year of marriage helped, but more and more men were noticing her capabilities as a ruler, a true Lady of Winterfell.

“I trust you’ve settled in well, My Lady.”

“I have, Lady Mormont. Everyone here is very respectful. I grow fonder of Winterfell and the North every day.” Lady Mormont continued talking to Catelyn, but Ned’s attention went to the end of the table where Benjen had the boys.

He saw that Robb and Jon now had a companion playing with them, enjoying their game of playing with the wooden wolves. It was a young, dark haired girl, around their own age. All three of them were making quite some noise, but Ned’s eyebrows furrowed, confused as to who the girl was.

“She’s my daughter, Ned.” Ned looked in surprise to see Howland Reed stood next to him. He silently cursed the ability of the Crannogmen to sneak up on people as Ned had not realised that Howland had approached.

Ned wasn’t sure that he would make it here. He had sent ravens to the Neck, but it was always difficult to send a raven directly to Greywater Watch. But then again, Howland had a way of knowing things that Ned couldn’t explain. He was glad to see him though. Beside Robert, Howland was his closest friend. He had stood by his side during the darkest period of his life, fighting in the rebellion, and the man had been his only ally in making sure Jon was safe.

“I wasn’t aware you had a daughter.”

“Neither was I until I returned. Jyana gave birth while we were fighting. She did write, but ravens in and out of Grey Water Watch are rare. She’s two moons younger than Robb. I guess there’s some things even I can’t see.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here, friend.” Ned shook Howland’s hand and offered him a seat on the table. Ned introduced Howland to Catelyn and they watched the three children playing together. Apparently, Lord Bolton had followed their gaze and spoke up, unwantedly.

“I must say, My Lord, My Lady. I am very surprised that you tolerate young Snow’s presence here at Winterfell.”

The table went silent, and everyone looked towards Bolton, questions in their eyes. Ned’s eyes darkened slightly as he replied.

“Why is that, Lord Bolton?” He was certain that Lord Bolton would not miss the unmistakable chill in his voice

“As your _older_ brother’s son, there may be people who feel he has a good claim. Yes, he’s a bastard but any child of Brandon’s may threaten your own son. And he looks like a Stark.” _Unlike Robb_ was what Bolton wanted to say, but didn’t.

Ned felt Catelyn tense beside him. Despite reassurance that he wouldn’t change a thing about Robb’s appearance (and that was true. Ned had never seen a more pleasing child to look at), he knew Catelyn still fretted over the fact that his heir would not look like him.

“At a young age, it is obvious to me that Jon is a good lad and he already loves Robb. He is no threat to him now and he never will be. I do not share your opinion of him, Lord Bolton. Jon is a wonderful young boy who will grow into a man of great honour in spite of his bastardy. Of this I have no doubt,” Catelyn finished coldly.

Ned was glad that Catelyn had leapt to Jon’s defence without any thought at all. She truly had a remarkable bond with him and protected him as fiercely as she did Robb. He noticed how she chose to ignore the comment Bolton made about Robb’s looks but if Bolton brought it up again, it would be he who had words.

“My Lady, Brandon was betrothed to you at the time his bastard would’ve been conceived. You don’t feel betrayed by that? Don’t feel offended?”

“Brandon and I were not married, Lord Bolton. He was free to do as he pleased. Jon is not a stain on my honour.” Roose opened his mouth to speak again, but Ned interrupted, wanting to end this conversation.

“Jon will be a credit to his father, Lord Bolton. My brother lives on in his son. Jon will always have a place here at Winterfell and is as welcome as any other Stark before him. He is not at fault for the manner of his birth, and I can guarantee he will be Robb’s most loyal supporter. Jon is a Stark in blood if not in name and I will make sure that no one ever makes him doubt that.”

Ned was aware that his voice was ice cold and he was seething in anger. Catelyn could sense his anger and laid a hand on his thigh, trying to keep him calm. Grey eyes glared at pale blue ones, and neither man backed down. Bolton was an intimidating man, he would admit that, but Ned could not be seen to be weaker than his bannermen.

Ned was almost testing Bolton, seeing if he would continue, and the good atmosphere in the room had gone. The Greatjon, never liking a bad vibe, ended the face off when he asked for a dance with Catelyn. She turned and looked at him, asking for permission

“My Lady, you don’t need to ask for my permission to dance.” She smiled at him and took the Greatjon’s hand and Ned watched as he spun her around on the dancefloor.

He knew his wife loved to dance, but Ned himself was useless on the dance floor. He had no grace and would only make a fool of her. Of course, if she really wanted him to dance with her then he would, he found himself not able to refuse her in anything.

Ned was constantly confused about his feelings for his wife. He wouldn’t say he loved her yet, but then again, he had never been in love before so he didn’t truly know what it felt like. It was things like this that made him wish he was more like Brandon, more confident, able to speak around women. They had been married for nearly two years and Ned struggled to speak to her at times, the words not rolling off his tongue properly, making him more nervous.

But he certainly felt something for her. She made him happy. He found himself smiling more freely around her than he had around anyone else before. Her own smiles and laughs would leave him breathless. He continued to watch her and found himself entranced by her hair. It was the most beautiful hair he had seen, and the shade of red almost seemed to change if they were in the sun or the snow. It was soft, and he enjoyed running his fingers through it.

Lost in his thoughts, Ned jumped slightly when someone tugged on the sleeve of his arm. He looked down to see Robb there, arms extended to him wanting to be picked up. Robb yawned, clearly ready to go to sleep and he looked to Benjen, who had a sleeping Jon in his arms, realising that more time had passed then he had realised. Picking Robb up, he caught Catelyn’s eye and she excused herself, taking Jon from Benjen and they took both boys to the nursery.

Robb had joined Jon in a sleep by the time they reached his nursery, his head slumped against Ned’s shoulder. They put both boys to bed and gave them kisses on their foreheads.

“Where did the year go?” Catelyn asked as they looked at their son, dreaming peacefully.

“It’s scary, isn’t it?” She nodded at his response and they left the room, heading to their own chambers.

“You handled Bolton well today, Cat.” It was true. She hadn’t cowered in front of the man, no matter how daunting he was.

“He’s not the most pleasant man, but I won’t stand by and let anyone insult either of the boys, even the most scary of men.” He chuckled slightly and remembered how the other Lords and Ladies at the table were also impressed by her standing up to Bolton without flinching.

It had been a long day, and Ned found himself falling to sleep as soon as he was in bed. Despite Bolton’s antics, the day had been perfect.


	8. Benjen II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 from Benjen's POV. Hope you enjoy :)  
> Thanks to my beta kingstqrk

Today marked two years since the murders of Brandon and his father and Benjen still struggled to accept it at times. As a child, he had thought his father was invincible, this great man who could not be harmed by anything, but of course, his father was only human. And Benjen knew Brandon was reckless and would likely be killed before his time, but he never expected it to be as early as it was, and for the death to be so brutal.

He stood before their statues in the crypt, head bowed in prayer. He prayed for Lyanna as well, but focused on Brandon and his father today, trying to picture their faces but he found it more difficult with every passing day.

Benjen was still struggling with grief, a grief that he kept bottled inside. He suspected Ned knew how he struggled, but his brother wasn’t one to push and he understood that when Benjen was ready to talk, he would make the move. But for now, Benjen preferred to deal with his grief alone.

It felt as fresh as it did when the news first arrived, perhaps even fresher. When they had been killed, he was the Stark in Winterfell and it fell to him to call the banners to ensure that they would all be here upon Ned’s return from the Eyrie. Then as Ned rode to war, he was too busy worrying about his brother and his missing sister to truly allow himself to grieve. Since the war had ended, Benjen now had that opportunity.

He missed them dearly, and he likely always would. He would never like to be in Ned’s position because if Brandon lived, Ned wouldn’t have a wife and son and he knew his brother struggled with that knowledge at times, his guilt eating away at him. At times he tried to imagine if life would be different if they hadn’t died but beside Brandon being the one married to Catelyn, nothing would’ve changed. _Life moves on_.

It wasn’t only his father and Brandon that he missed, Lyanna was always the top of the list and it was still painful to come down into the crypts and see her face in cold stone when it should be warm and smiling. He found himself missing his mother as well, the mother he couldn’t remember. He had tried to remember things about her, but he was always left empty handed, instead relying on what others tell him.

 _There were six of us,_ Benjen thought. _A wolf pack. Now there are only two._

His mother’s death when he was still practically a babe meant that he never experienced the love of a mother. Old Nan was the closest he had, and she was more of a grandmother than a mother, spoiling them all and treating them with stories. He worried that Jon would grow up the same, without a mother, but Catelyn had taken to him and so both boys were growing up with the love that he lacked.

Not wanting to waste his day in the darkness of the crypts, Benjen offered his final prayers and left, walking up the many stairs to the daylight of the courtyard. Unsure what to do with the day, he made his way to the nursery to spend time with the boys. That’s what he always did when Ned didn’t have jobs for him, and he enjoyed it, listening to them laugh brightened his day.

Opening the door to the nursery, it was Jon’s voice he heard shouting to him.

“Ben!” Benjen supposed he was lucky that his shortened name was so easy to say, and it seemed to be Jon’s favourite word. He wasn’t sure that Jon actually knew whose name it was, since he had labelled Ned, Ser Rodrik and Septa Mordane as ‘Ben’.

Jon had been able to speak in a very limited fashion for a few months now as he was just past his actual first birthday. Jon’s first words had actually been ‘Mama’, copying Robb’s most used word, directed towards Catelyn. Everyone in the room had been shocked and froze, only snapping out of it when Jon started to cry, taking their shock as rejection, and was promptly picked up by Catelyn and back to laughing in no time.

Benjen had asked Ned what they would do if Jon continued to refer to Catelyn as his mother and Ned had simply replied that Jon could call them what he liked, and when he grew to four or five, they would have a conversation with him, explaining his situation. Benjen knew Jon already adored his goodsister and she was everything Jon could ask for in a mother figure, but Benjen secretly hoped that Jon wouldn’t continue to call her mother, a name that belonged to his sister.

“You all looked the same at that age. People could hardly tell the difference between the four of you as babes, and had you all been the same age, it would’ve been difficult to tell you apart. You all looked so similar to Jon, but if you know what you’re looking for, he looks just like his mother. The only difference being the eyes.”

He didn’t even react to Old Nan’s words. It didn’t surprise him that she knew about Jon’s real parents. Old Nan was a perceptive woman and knew he and his siblings better than anyone and after spending so much time with Jon, Benjen thought the truth would be obvious to her.

“Aye, he does. Fortunately for us she looked just like Brandon.” Benjen replied, solemnly, thinking of his lost siblings. “Listen, Nan…you can’t—"

“Please, Benjen. Do you really think I would say anything? I loved your sister too and I would never put her boy in danger. You needn’t ever question me, my boy.”

Benjen knew better than to question Old Nan’s loyalty, but he was always on edge, worrying what would happen if the truth about Jon ever reached Robert’s ears.

Ned never spoke about what happened during the Sack of King’s Landing, but Benjen had heard rumours himself. He had heard what had happened to little Rhaenys and Aegon, and how Robert had no remorse over their deaths. _Is that the fate that may one day await Jon?_

The thought was too painful and awful for Benjen to continue down the road it was going on. Benjen was confident that Jon was safe here in Winterfell and that he always would be, but there was always that part in his mind thinking that Robert would find out.

“I almost forgot. Your brother asked me to send you to him if I saw you. He said it was important but not urgent.”

“Thanks, Nan. I’ll go to him now.” Benjen ruffled Jon and Robb’s hair before leaving, heading towards Ned’s solar.

In truth, the last thing he wanted was a conversation today. He had been actively trying to avoid people, wanting to be alone, but Ned knew the significance of today as well so if he wanted to talk to him, it must be important.

Benjen entered Ned’s solar and saw his brother there, looking more solemn than usual if that was possible. Catelyn was there as well, but even she couldn’t brighten Ned’s face.

“Nan said you wanted to see me.”

“We might have a problem.” Benjen was surprised by his brother’s tone, and Benjen was confused as to what the problem was, everything seemed to be fine.

“Why?”

“People have started asking why Jon looks smaller than Robb despite being older than him.”

Benjen almost laughed at his brother, even he knew that some babes took longer to develop than others.

“Just tell them that Jon was slow to walk and talk, and he’s a small baby but Robb is more advanced. It’s not a huge problem.”

“It is if rumours start to spread. If they reach the wrong ears then you know what that means. Suppose the Spider hears something and then tells Robert.”

“Robert won’t find out, Ned. You’re over-reacting.”

“I’m not over-reacting! Do you know what will happen to us all if Robert found out? What would happen to Jon?”

Benjen softened a bit, understanding his brother’s worries. There was no doubt in Benjen’s mind that not only would Ned be killed for lying to Robert, but Jon would be killed as well. As would Catelyn, Robb and himself, and perhaps all of Winterfell for harbouring a Targaryen.

“I’m aware of that, but why is this a problem now? The people of Winterfell won’t say anything, Ned. They’re the most trustworthy people we know.”

“Some of the guests for Robb’s nameday were also asking questions.”

“Perhaps I was wrong and Jon should’ve remained hidden for the feast, out of the way of prying eyes.” Catelyn sounded guilty, but Benjen tried to dismiss her guilt.

“No, you were right. Jon shouldn’t remain hidden. It was right of him to be there. What would people have thought if he wasn’t? But Ned, there’s still no need to worry. The Northern Lords would never betray you.”

“You mean like Roose Bolton, who I don’t think is exactly happy with my leadership so far. Or Barbrey Dustin who I’m sure would like nothing better than to see something bad happen to us all.”

Benjen knew his brother had a point, there were some Lords and Ladies of the North who were less than trustworthy but there was no doubt in his mind that they had the most loyal bannermen in the Seven Kingdoms and Catelyn spoke exactly what Benjen was thinking.

“They may one day be a problem, but we have the Greatjon, Lady Mormont, Lord Manderly and so many more. Even Lord Karstark is loyal to you and I doubt he’d ever betray you and Jon like that.”

Ned nodded his head at that, seeing her point but Benjen could see that the thought of Robert finding out was still weighing heavy on his mind.

“Look, Ned. If it came to war, we’d outnumber Robert. We have the North and the Riverlands?” It was more of a question than a statement, directed towards Catelyn, who nodded.

“My father would support you. He doesn’t know the truth about Jon but he’d never let an innocent child be killed.”

“So that’s a large number already. I’m sure we could convince Dorne.”

“Dorne might not be so supportive when they find out that Rhaegar left their Princess for our sister and that Jon is the product of that affair,” Ned stated, but Benjen disagreed.

“Yes, they will feel insulted, but the Martells will loathe the Lannisters after what happened to Elia and her children, that may work in our favour. Plus, we have the Daynes to speak on our behalf. We could perhaps persuade the Reach with a marriage offer. Mace Tyrell has a daughter around the same age as the boys. The Greyjoys—”

“Won’t get involved. Battles on the mainland have nothing to do with them and we have nothing to offer them.” Ned interrupted his train of thought and he supposed his brother was right, the Greyjoys had their own way of doing things and that would never change.

“Even without the Iron Islands, we’d have the North and Riverlands, and maybe Dorne and the Reach. All that would remain is the Vale and Jon Arryn is practically your father.”

“Yes, and he’s also practically a father to Robert. I doubt he’d pick sides but he’s Robert’s hand, I wouldn’t count on the Vale for support.”

“I don’t know Lord Arryn to well, but I doubt he’d support Robert in trying to kill a child who means him no harm. That might work in your favour, Ned.” Catelyn said, and Benjen agreed. Jon Arryn went to war to protect Ned and Robert, who were innocent, from being killed, he doubted the Lord of the Vale would fight in a war to kill a child. And my sister is his wife. I’m sure Jon Arryn would be unwilling to fight against one of his foster sons, his goodsister and his goodfather.”

“But Ned, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. Jon will be fine, we will all be fine. Rumours can take a while to spread and by that time, Jon and Robb will be a few moons older, and the difference won’t be obvious. It’s just difficult now but they’ve both turned one now, and so another year or so and there won’t be a difference, no one will see it.

“We have the bonus of the Daynes agreeing. The older Jon gets, the more he will look like Brandon. People won’t draw comparisons to Lyanna because he’s a boy, so they’ll say how much he looks like his father, but with his mother’s eyes. No one will question it Ned.”

Ned’s face was slightly less grim than before and Benjen realised that he had managed to get through to him. His brother had a point, and there may come a time when Jon is placed in danger, but Benjen felt that for now, he was well protected, and the older he gets, the less danger he will be in.

“If Robert ever does find out, the two of you would take both boys, head to White Harbor and get on the nearest boat to Essos.”

If that time ever came, Benjen would want to fight alongside his brother for his nephew, but he nodded at his brother’s idea, knowing it was the best way to keep everyone safe. Fleeing to Essos would mean exile, but Jon would be safer there, and of course Viserys and Daenerys Targaryen were in exile as well. If the worst happened, Jon would meet his other family.

The conversation was clearly over, and Catelyn excused herself to go and see to the boys. Benjen went to leave as well, but Ned called him back.

“There’s something else I wanted to speak to you about.”

Benjen sat back down and waited for his brother to speak. Something was clearly on his mind and Benjen was growing impatient.

“Just say what’s on your mind, Ned.”

“Have you thought anymore about joining the Night’s Watch?”

Benjen hadn’t expected this conversation and it threw him off guard. Things were a lot easier between him and Ned now. It had taken a while for Benjen to want to talk to his brother properly again after their argument about him joining the Night’s Watch, but after a few weeks, Benjen grew to understand where Ned was coming from and begrudgingly accepted that his brother was right, he was far too young and so Benjen had taken measures to repair the damage and the two were almost back to normal once again and so it surprised him that Ned would bring it up. However, before Benjen could speak, Ned continued.

“Because I have thought of something I’d like you to consider.”

“Look, Ned. I don’t want to argue about this again. Truth is, I’m undecided about what to do. Robb is your heir and hopefully, you’ll have more but with every child you have, I’m of less and less value. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m not power hungry, I don’t want to stay second in line forever, but you have to see it from my perspective.”

“You remember I’m only a second son, Ben. I do know how you feel. You feel like a spare?”

Benjen nodded at that. It wasn’t that he felt unloved, quite the opposite, he knew how much he meant to his family, but in the society they live in, it’s only the first born sons who are important. But it was easy for Benjen to forget that Ned was essentially a spare son too, something that had only been changed through tragic circumstances. His brother knew how he felt.

“I just-I want a purpose, Ned. I won’t be unhappy being here, helping you, helping Robb if the worst happened to you. But I want more. I don’t want people to think of me as a great hero, someone to be sung about in three hundred years, but I want to live and die knowing that I’ve done something with my life.”

“I know. That’s why I want you to rebuild Moat Cailin.”

Benjen wasn’t sure that he had heard his brother correctly. Moat Cailin was once the most formidable castle in the North, practically impregnable and foreboding to outsiders. Between the Moat and the Neck, it made it impossible for southerners to enter the North. But the Moat had fallen into disrepair over the years, and no one had thought to return it to its former state.

“What?”

“In a few years, when you’re older and married, I want you to rebuild Moat Cailin. You’d form a cadet branch of House Stark and you’d rule as Lord Benjen Stark from Moat Cailin, a title to go to your sons after you.”

He was speechless, he never expected his brother to offer him something so huge.

“You’d be able to make a name for yourself without having to die on the Wall.”

A thousand thoughts ran through Benjen’s head at his brother’s offer and he found himself conflicted. This was a perfect opportunity for him, but at the same time he wasn’t sure if it was the life he wanted.

“Look, Ned. I-I don’t know. It’s an honour, of course, but I don’t know what I want. Part of me wants a family, part of me doesn’t.”

“You’re five and ten, Ben, marriage and family is the last thing on your mind right now, I know that. And I won’t force this on you. If in a few years you still want to join the Night’s Watch, I won’t stand in your way. But consider my offer, please. You’re of more value to me then you know and I need you by my side, not far away at Castle Black.”

“I’ll consider it, of course. I never expected you to offer me this. I never expected the Moat to be rebuilt.” Benjen then tried to lighten the mood with a bit of humour. “But please no more marriage and children talk for a couple of years.”

“That’s a shame. I had a handful of potential brides picked out for you.” Benjen saw a small grin on his brother’s face and knew he was joking.

“But seriously, Ned. I won’t consider the Night’s Watch anymore until I’m a couple of years older and I’ve made a decision I am happy with.”

“That’s the main thing, Ben. That you’re happy.” Ned placed his hand on his shoulder and then left the room, leaving Benjen alone with his thoughts.

He was conflicted at what to choose, but knew he had a while to decide and not make any rash decisions about his future. But Benjen was overwhelmed that his brother would consider trusting him with something of this importance and Benjen decided he would work hard, no matter what decision he will make, to make his family proud.


	9. Catelyn III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, chapter 9 is up. Sorry for taking so long, been a busy time at University and work, but hopefully over the Christmas holidays I will start to update a little more. Hope you enjoy the chapter. As always, I'm open to any suggestions.  
> Once again, thank you to my wonderful beta kingstqrk. Go and check out Alex's amazing work :)

Catelyn often found it too cold in the North. Raised in the warmth of Riverrun, she was rarely cold as a child, only gaining a chill when she had swam in the cold rivers surrounding the castle. She laughed at herself now, wishing she could be back in the cold North, rather than in the heat of King’s Landing.

Her husband had complained about the heat at least three times an hour since they had arrived just over a week ago, and it seemed that she had now too gained his inability to enjoy the sun for longer than a short period of time.

They were only in the capital after the King and Queen had called a feast in honour of the birth of their son, Prince Joffrey. As the Crown Prince, Robert felt that every available Lord and Lady in the Seven Kingdoms should attend the feast celebrating their future king, and as her husband was Robert’s best friend, it was more than necessary that they both attend.

She had only been to the capital twice before, both times when she was much younger. Her father had taken her once, and her Uncle another, but what she remembered of King’s Landing had completely changed. _I suppose the city is still recovering from the war._ She had heard all the stories about how Tywin Lannister’s army were without mercy as they sacked the city, and it didn’t surprise her that the Red Keep was the only place in the city that seemed to be functioning.

There was just something about the capital that she truly didn’t like. Something she was suspicious of. Once more she laughed at herself, realising that she had become more Northern than she thought, suspicious of those from the capital, who lie constantly and shower themselves in gold.

Perhaps it was more about missing Winterfell than disliking the capital though. She had really taken the frozen castle in the North to her heart and she missed it dearly, despite not being gone for too long. Ned had made it very easy for her to settle in, making sure she had everything she needed. Benjen was also a help, easy to laugh with and he reminded her so much of Edmure, and then of course Maester Luwin and Old Nan were two people who she had very quickly come to trust.

But the main reason she had settled in to her new home so quickly was because of her two little boys. Two little boys who she missed more than anything. Both of them were growing up so fast. They were talking, though it was hard to understand them, and both were now walking, though Jon was very unsteady on his feet. Robb and Jon were the world to her, and it broke her heart to leave them behind.

On the day they had left, both boys cried, as if they could sense she was leaving. She had to force herself to depart amidst their cries, leaving them to Old Nan, or she feared she would never have the strength to leave.

Robb had been her very world from the moment he was born. She was terrified during her pregnancy, unsure of what her unborn child’s future would be. She had prayed for Ned during the rebellion, but more for the sake of Robb than himself. She wanted her son to grow up where he belongs, to be able to know his father, and so every day she went to the sept in Riverrun and prayed to the warrior that her husband would be successful in the war.

She had dreaded to think what would happen to her child if the rebels had failed. Aerys was mad, and would punish men who were innocent without the blink of an eye and so her stomach turned at the thought of what he would do to those in rebellion against the crown. When Robb was born, and placed in her arms, that fear increased tenfold, even after she had heard about the Battle of the Trident. Before victory was assured, her thoughts revolved solely around Robb and praying that he got the future he deserved, and she never thought that anyone could come close to how much she loved Robb.

But then she met a baby with his mother’s dark hair and his father’s purple eyes. It had taken her a while to truly bond with Jon, just as she had expected. She had nurtured him from the moment he was brought to Winterfell, but the bond wasn’t there straight away. She knew she would love and protect this baby, but there was no fierce maternal protection the moment she laid eyes on him as there had been with Robb.

Yet, as time passed, she did grow to develop a truly special bond with her nephew, and loved him as fiercely as she loved Robb. Robb was a son of her body, but Jon was also her son in every way that mattered. She would never replace his mother, she knew that, but she swore to all the gods that he would never go a day without the love of a mother figure that every child should receive. He would call her ‘Aunt Cat’, but she would still think of him as her son, a boy she had helped to raise from such a young age.

“Cat?” Catelyn heard her sisters voice and was shaken back to the reality of the conversation they were having, not that she could remember what it was they were discussing. “Cat were you even listening to a word I was saying?”

“I’m sorry, Lysa. I just got carried away with my thoughts. I was thinking of the boys.” Catelyn said the words before she could stop them, and she saw a mixture of sympathy and sadness in her sister’s eyes.

“I would love to meet them both. My nephew is not far from two years old and I don’t even know what he looks like.”

“He looks like Edmure did.” Lysa smiled at that, but sadness was still etched upon her face. Catelyn reached out her hand and took her sister’s. “You will have a child, Lysa. I promise you.”

Catelyn felt for her sister, she truly did. Lysa had become more distant since the pair of them were wed, but Catelyn knew the reason why and held no hard feelings against her sister for it. She knew how hard losing two babes had been on Lysa, and she could only imagine her pain. There must be nothing worse in the world than losing a child, even what that was not yet born. She remembered herself how it felt to carry a child in her womb, and to have it there one minute and then gone the next was heart-breaking.

In truth, seeing her sister was the only positive thing about this entire visit to King’s Landing. It had been over a year since she had seen any of her family, and to see Lysa once more lifted her spirits about being away from the boys.

If she was being honest with herself, her sister did not look well. Lysa was not yet twenty, but she looked as if she were the older of the two, a few years of relative unhappiness taking its toll on her. But in the time she had been in King’s Landing, Lysa seemed happy around her and so Catelyn decided to spend as much time with her sister as she could.

Catelyn cast her mind back to the previous evening, to the feast held in Prince Joffrey’s honour. It had been exactly like she had expected it, the most expensive event the kingdoms had ever seen. She thought back to the feast for Robb’s nameday, and thought that merely seemed like an ordinary feast in comparison to the one held for the Prince. It was a bit too much for her taste, despite being from the south, but she supposed that Joffrey was the Crown Prince, and the first born into a new era.

The Prince had cried a lot, far more than his father could tolerate. Robert had proudly shown his son to the court, announcing that Joffrey will one day become a great King. He had sat with the Prince on his knee, but had soon grown bored and irritated after the Prince had cried for five minutes, only settling when he was in his mother’s arms.

It was when the Prince was in his mother’s arms that Catelyn truly recognised his striking resemblance to his mother. Robb looked like her, but there were still some features that were traditionally Stark; at a very young age, it was clear that he would be a strong build, and he had his father’s jawline, but looking at Joffrey, he was all Lannister.

He was a pleasant baby to look at, with the golden hair and piercing green eyes. There was no doubt he would grow into a handsome young man, one who was spoken of like his mother and his Uncle. Catelyn only hoped that the young Crown Prince would grow into a better person than either of them.

She had never met Cersei Lannister before, but had heard tales far and wide about her beauty, and those stories were not wrong. The Queen was a beautiful woman, but there was a coldness about her that none could thaw. Catelyn did feel sympathy for the Queen, with the way her husband blatantly threw himself at the serving women around, not caring that Lord Tywin’s eyes burned with anger as his golden daughter was insulted. Catelyn knew that many men desired women other than their wives, but she had never seen a man act as Robert did. Seeing the display made Catelyn thank the gods that she had been blessed with a husband who remained faithful, not one who flaunted his infidelity in his wife’s face. The only joy Cersei seemed to get was from her son, or her twin who, donned in his golden armour, watched his sister and nephew like a hawk, as if trying to protect them from a threat.

Catelyn had met Jaime before, long ago when he visited Riverrun as her father and Lord Tywin were discussing a potential marriage between the heir to the Rock and Lysa. She remembered him as an intelligent boy, though one prone to mischief. He always smiled and laughed, even at things he didn’t understand, and his green eyes seemed to glow at everything. She remembered how he had been in awe of her Uncle. The young lion had begged the legendary Blackfish for stories of his heroics at war, and it had warmed her Uncle’s heart to know a young man classed him as a hero. But looking at him now, she found she barely recognised the young man who had once come to Riverrun. He seemed almost lost, so unsure of himself. The arrogance and confidence was still there, but his smirk seemed to mask something, hide something that Catelyn couldn’t quite put her finger on. Kingslayer, they called him now, and she wondered how one who seemed destined for greatness could fall so quickly.

The feast had passed quickly, as she hoped it would. She had enjoyed herself, but found that she now preferred the more mellow feasts and gatherings that they had in the North. There had been plenty of food and she had enjoyed dancing, but it was towards the end of the night where she noticed her sister had looked unhappy, glancing towards the Queen and her son with such longing that it struck Catelyn’s heart. She knew how much her sister wanted a child, and decided that while both of their husbands were discussing matters with the King, she would spend the day with Lysa and try to lift her spirits.

And she had done. Lysa had clearly changed from the girl she was at Riverrun, but her sister had laughed and smiled and it made Catelyn think of the times when they would play in the rivers, throwing mud pies at each other and watching Edmure and Petyr learn how to shoot bow and arrows. _Time has passed so quickly._

“It has, hasn’t it? It’s hard to believe our wedding day was two years ago.” Catelyn hadn’t realised she had spoken aloud until Lysa replied. Her sister smiled at her, and showed her the necklace around her neck.

“Isn’t this beautiful? Lord Jon gave it to me to mark the second anniversary of our marriage.” Catelyn studied the necklace. Her sister had spoken truly, it was a beautiful necklace and it had the falcon of House Arryn carved into the blue stone at the centre. Catelyn knew her sister’s marriage wasn’t a happy one, but it warmed her heart to know that Lord Arryn did try to make Lysa happy, and pretty things could always do the trick.

Ned had given her a gift on their second anniversary too. She was surprised that he remembered the date. Not because he didn’t care, because he clearly did, but simply because so much was happening at the time, she didn’t think he would’ve remembered the date. But once more, her usually solemn husband surprised her as he grinned, presenting her with a beautiful white mare.

She herself was unable to stop grinning. She loved riding and the gift was a perfect one. He had apologised for a simple gift, but she immediately told him it was more than enough, it was a perfect gift. She knew the Northerners were not prone to luxury, lavish gifts, instead preferring to give meaningful ones, and this meant a lot to her. He did tell her that he had another gift he had planned to give her, but it was not yet ready. She was curious as to what it was, but didn’t press him because she didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

There was a knock on the door, and Ned and Lord Arryn walked in, looking tired and Catelyn guessed the meeting with the King had not gone as they wanted it. Lord Arryn greeted Lysa, and then walked over to Catelyn, kissing her hand.

“Lady Catelyn, it is good to see you. I apologise for not visiting you sooner, but I am afraid my duties to the King have prevented me from seeing even my wife these last days. Please forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive, My Lord. It is good to see you too. I hope your meeting with the King went well.”

Uncharacteristically, Ned let out a little snort.

“I don’t think a meeting with Robert will ever go well. He asks for advice and then ignores it.” She could see her husband was slightly irritated at his friend, and so she dropped the subject, but his spirits immediately seemed lifted as he spoke again. “My Lady, we will depart for Winterfell in three days. I am eager to return home.”

She smiled at this. Though she had enjoyed spending time with her sister, she was desperate to see her boys again. Being away from them for a day meant missing so much at the age they were, and she worried they had missed much in the two months they had been away from Winterfell. She could not wait to hold them once more, and marvel in how big they had grown in her absence. She willed the next three days to pass quickly so she could see them once more.


	10. Eddard V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 is up guys. Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year. I've got a few exams coming up so may not update for a few weeks again after this chapter.  
> Hope you like it :)

Ned head the footsteps approaching the door of his solar and he sighed. He was not in the mood for company. It had been a tough few weeks for him, and based on the piles of paper on his desk, it wouldn’t be getting any easier, and with Catelyn ill, he had to do it alone.

Shortly after arriving back at Winterfell after his visit to King’s Landing, he had to leave once more to settle a dispute in the mountains. Clan Norrey and Clan Wull had been involved in petty arguments over land disputes and as Lord Paramount of the North, it fell to him to sort it out between them. Often he still did not feel prepared to act as Lord, he was not yet twenty-three and had received no training. At times like this he wished to all the Gods his father was still alive to guide him.

Not only were the mountain clans giving him headaches, but Lord Bolton had unexpectedly visited Winterfell in his absence. Seeing the flayed man banner in his home as he arrived back was not a sight that Ned liked. Apparently, the older man had simply wanted to see how his ‘Southron bride’ handled ruling Winterfell in his absence. Benjen and the Winterfell household were full of praise for Catelyn, but Bolton didn’t seem too impressed. That didn’t surprise Ned though, he wasn’t sure anything short of allowing flaying back into the North would impress the man.

He had stayed for three days, and while he wasn’t outright rude to anyone, he was still subtly cutting as he always had been. Ned finally deciphered the reason for his visit when Bolton expressed concerns that he had not named someone to be regent for Robb should anything happen to him. Ned had smiled inwardly as the Bolton was unable to hide his disappointment when Ned told him that Catelyn would rule as regent for Robb if anything happened to him. Bolton had argued that Ned should name a ‘strong’ Northern lord as Robb’s regent, one who understood the region and who could guide Robb well. On the third day of Bolton’s constant questioning of him, he snapped at Bolton, telling him his decision was final.

Lord Bolton had left soon after that, and for that Ned was grateful. His patience was thin as it was and Bolton had just added to his stress. And now as he read the letter from Jon Arryn, he felt like he was at breaking point. Jon had written to him explaining that Robert was worried about the Iron Islanders following several reports from Seagard and Lannisport. Jon felt that conflict could be avoided, but there was no doubt that tension was rising, and he asked him to make sure that the western shore of the North was manned, so he now had to plan to move men to the coast.

With the letters in front of him, Ned once more cursed the Mad King for the murders of his father and brother, forcing him to take up a position he was not ready for. Part of him knew that he had done well in his three and a half years as Lord of Winterfell. He was respected and well liked by his men, but he thought many of them would prefer his brother to him. At times it could even cloud his judgement as there would always be a conflict in his mind between doing what he thinks is right, and what Brandon would have done.

It still caused him pain to think on his siblings and father, and he assumed it would for the rest of his life. He was often plagued with thoughts that everything would be better if father and Brandon were still alive. Father would still be Lord of Winterfell, and Brandon would be his heir, next in line and fully prepared unlike Ned was himself. But every time he had these thoughts, that things would be better off as they were, Ned would catch a glimpse of a bright haired toddler, running around and screaming for joy and Ned realised he wouldn’t swap his little boy for anything, not even his beloved father and siblings.

Benjen entered his solar and stifled a laugh at the sight of his brother, hunched over his desk, almost straining to keep his eyes open.

“You’ve been really dull the last few weeks. I mean, you’re dull nearly all the time, but more so than usual.”

“Thank you, Ben,” Ned replied sarcastically. “I’ve got a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Benjen sat down in front of him, and grabbed some of the letters from his desk. “Benjen, what are you doing?”

 “What does it look like?” He replied, with a smirk as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m helping you, Ned. Clearly you need it. Catelyn is ill and can’t help you so I thought I’d make a good enough substitute. Plus, if I do one day rule Moat Cailin, I should be prepared for all of this stuff. Now’s the best place to learn.”

Ned smiled at his younger brother, grateful for his help. Ned knew that Benjen was filled with many of the same insecurities that he was, fearing that he will never be good enough to be a Lord. And the last few years had taught Ned that as a third born son, Benjen felt even less prepared than he did. Ned swore to himself, and to his little brother, that by the time Benjen is ready to move to Moat Cailin, he would be fully prepared to rule.

And despite his bad mood and want for no company, it was good to have someone to talk to as the tedious letters weighed him down. It dawned on Ned that he had hardly spoken to anyone all week. Catelyn had been sick and was bedridden, and he went to check on her but as Maester Luwin was not sure if it was contagious, she urged him to get his work done as she was fine alone. He had seen the boys, but only briefly and it had been Benjen who had taken care of them during the week. He felt slightly disappointed in himself that his work was taking time away from looking after Robb and Jon, but he knew his duties had to be done, whatever the cost.

They spent a while talking about unimportant things when out of the corner of his eye, Ned could see his brother staring at him intently, scrutinising him. Eventually Ned met his gaze and raised an eyebrow, wondering why he was staring.

“You’ve not been sleeping.” Benjen’s words were more of a statement than a question, and Ned was surprised that his brother could tell.

“Yes, I have.” But Benjen only shook his head at Ned’s reply.

“No, you haven’t. You look terrible. And I don’t mean you look fed up, I mean you look exhausted.” Ned sighed, giving up on trying to hide the fact that he hadn’t been sleeping, knowing Benjen would continue pressing until he received an answer. His little brother knew him better than anyone else and could read him like a book at times, in spite of his ‘frozen face’.

“Okay, so I haven’t been sleeping.”

“Why?”

“It’s not by choice, believe me. I just can’t sleep.”

“But there must be something keeping you awake. You look like you’ve not slept for a while. Surely Maester Luwin has something that can help you sleep.”

“It’s not the getting to sleep that’s the problem, Ben. It’s the dreams I have when I’m sleeping. They wake me up and then I can’t get back to sleep.”

“You have nightmares?”

Ned nodded at his brother, who looked rather shocked at this revelation.

Ned knew that nightmares were common among men who had fought in wars, but he didn’t expect the frequency or severity that they came. They were always the same: the murders in the Red Keep, the bodies of Princess Elia and her children, holding Lyanna’s hand as she passed, the men he cut down during the war. His mind always conjured up the same images at night, making him wake with a fright, afraid to close his eyes once more.

Before the war, Jon had warned him about how killing people, even those who are their enemies, can damage a man. He wasn’t too concerned about Robert, who was far more boisterous, much more of a born soldier, but told Ned to be prepared for what comes after. Ned hadn’t known what he meant then, but now he assumed that Jon was referring to living with the knowledge that you had killed a man.

It was different to dispensing justice. He didn’t particularly like that either, but if he was executing someone, it was because they committed a crime. The men he was fighting in the war had committed no crime. It wasn’t them who murdered his father and brother, it wasn’t them who captured Lyanna, it wasn’t them who ordered his and Robert’s heads. It was the man they were forced to fight for.

He can still picture the faces of the first half dozen men he killed in his first battle, but beyond that, they all merge into one. And after the battle, he looked at the faces of the dead and saw not monsters, but humans. Fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, cut down fighting for a man they had likely never met. And that would stay with Ned for the rest of his life.

“I’ve had them since the war. But since I got the letter about the Greyjoys causing problems, they’ve come back, worse. With a possible war on the cards again, it’s like I’m getting flashbacks.”

The room was silent, a tense mood had settled. The silence remained until Benjen laughed and spoke, trying to lighten the mood.

“I haven’t had nightmares since Old Nan used to tell us stories.” That did make Ned chuckle, knowing the stories he was talking about. Old Nan certainly knew how to frighten children. “They were scary though. I used to have dreams about the army of the dead and giant ice spiders eating me. Brandon used to laugh at how scared I was.”

“The stories used to frighten Brandon before you were born. He would never admit it, but he used to spend the whole night talking to me so he wouldn’t sleep and have nightmares. He may haunt me forever for telling you he was scared.”

They continued to talk amongst themselves, and thanks to Benjen’s help, Ned managed to finish his work. He decided to go and see Catelyn, to check if she was feeling any better. As he walked down the corridor, he saw Maester Luwin with a boy on either side of him. As the boys saw him, they both grinned widely, and Robb came running towards him, Jon following after.

“Papa!” Robb shouted as he reached Ned and lifted his arms up, wanting to be held. Ned lifted him up and Robb giggled. As this was happening, Jon launched himself at Ned’s legs, hugging them tightly. Ned ruffled Jon’s hair

“Papa, we see mama!” Ned raised his eyebrow towards Maester Luwin, who had forbade the boys from seeing Catelyn in case her sickness was contagious, but the older man nodded.

“I do not believe the cause of her illness to be contagious, My Lord. The little lords may see her.”

Both Robb and Jon beamed at that, and Ned took them from Maester Luwin’s care, ushering them down the corridor but trying to get them to quieten down, in case Catelyn was asleep. Of course, getting Robb to be quiet was among life’s hardest tasks  because at the minute all the boy liked to do was talk as loud as he can.

By the time they reached Catelyn’s chamber, Robb was still bouncing around, and Ned had to calm him down. He crouched down so he was at Robb’s eye level and spoke to him seriously.

“Robb, your mother has been ill. When you go inside, you are not to jump around. Understood?”

Robb nodded, as did Jon. But neither boy had obviously listened because as soon as he opened the door and they saw Catelyn sitting up and smiling at them, they ran to her, jumping on the bed and wrapping their arms around her. Catelyn was as happy to see them as they were here, and listened intently as each boy babbled about nonsense. Ned stood by the edge of the bed, happy to watch the scene in front of him without interrupting.

“You sick?” Jon asked, breaking the happy conversation as he looked up at Catelyn with wide eyes, worried for her.

“I’m better now. I promise.” She kissed both boys on their heads and they cuddled closer to her.

“In fact, the reason why I was sick is because I have a baby growing in my tummy. You will have a baby brother or sister.” Both boys beamed at the news, and started jumping with excitement and it took Ned a minute to register what she had said.

He then looked at her and saw her staring back at him smiling, and he found himself smiling too.

“Truly?”

“Truly. Maester Luwin confirmed it this morning. It’s why the boys are allowed in. I’m not contagious.”

Ned had a smile on his face as wide as the boys did, and the four of them had their own mini celebration, happy about the fact that their family was expanding. Eventually the four of them fell asleep on the bed, holding each other close.


End file.
